Head To My New Site!

Hey All! Thanks so much for stopping by! I'm moving shop around here. It's time to say good-bye to this blog and hello to my new one.

My Tech-rockSTAR Man has built me a beautiful, new, in-this-century-blog! Come on over! http://abigailjoydubbe.com/

Out with the old, and in with the new!

SOLD

It seems as if the unexpected, most shocking events that happen in life come during the mundane moments. 6 weeks ago our little family was sitting around the dinner table. It was no different than any other typical dinner with 2 preschoolers. Chips, salsa, taco sauce, and beef were flying around the table, drinks were spilling, and siblings were screaming at each other. Nothing unusual. Chuck and I began catching up on our days. He’s usually very easy to read, but this particular night, I had not sensed anything out of the ordinary. Halfway through dinner, he looked me straight in the face and said, “I lost my job.”

The chaos around me faded into the background, a buzz began sounding in my ears, and my body began tingling from head to toe. I stared into Chuck’s face as the room around him became blurry. At first the shock was my comfort. Numbness took over my ability to feel. The shock wore off at 2:37 that morning. I was jolted out of a sound sleep, the pain so immense it seemed to strangle every bone, every joint, every muscle. I curled up into a ball under my covers, wide awake until dawn. 

The grief and the pain have been a constant friend for the better part of the last 6 weeks. A darkness rested on me and there have been days I haven’t been able to peel myself off of my sheets. The tears have been relentless, the pain prominent.

Yet, HE ALONE IS OUR HOPE. 

A week or so after losing the job, Chuck and I sensed God leading us to put our house up for sale. We had no idea if it would sell, or not. We didn’t know if we’d be staying in PA or moving on. But in faith, we listed our house less than 2 years after purchasing it. All home owners know this is never a wise idea. We held our breath and hoped we would at least break even. 

Our house was put on the market late in the day on a Tuesday, and it sold that Thursday. God has used family to provide us with a house to live in. And not just a house, a house on a farm surrounded by mountains as far as the eye can see. The view is so remarkable it almost seems fake.

So, as we get ready to say good-bye to Pennsylvania and head south, my hope is fixed on God alone. I trust His character. I never doubt His plans to continue to prosper us. He has lifted the darkness. He will continue to wipe my tears. He will be my courage. Thank you Jesus for covering us in your grace.

Our new drive way!

The view from our new front yard!

One Name

Jase was seven months old. The number was so high on the thermometer the nurse advised me to swiftly get him out of his car seat and strip his clothes off.

We then moved to a back room where I waited for the doctor. The room was warm. Stuffy. The air felt thick with heat. I wished there was a window to be opened. The stale room needed fresh air. Pricks of sweat started to itch my back.

(Minutes before his first seizure.)

When the doctor finally appeared, I gave the rundown of Jase’s symptoms. She carefully examined him as he laid atop the white, crackly paper on the table. Everything seemed to check out.

As she walked back to her desk, something frightened me about the way Jase looked. He was still lying on his back. His eyes were open, but the life inside him seemed gone. His eyes didn’t move, they just stared off into the distance. His chest moved up and down with short breaths. His arms and legs were limp.

 Everything seemed to slow down to an other worldly pace. In a panicked tone I gasped, “What’s wrong with him? Something’s wrong!” The doctor hurried back over to the exam table and stuck the stethoscope to his chest. She called, “Jase? Buddy?”

“God. God!” flew out of my mouth. I had nothing else to offer in my desperation. The doctor patted Jase’s enflamed, glowing cheeks and continued to say his name. I continued to speak the Name of God. It was probably just a few minutes that went by when Jase began to look more alert. Though his body remained weak, his eyes slowly showed life again. Eventually the doctor told me to pick Jase up and get him dressed. She was going to get another doctor. I scooped him up into my arms and wept. I continued to cry out, “Oh God. Oh God!” Clinging to His great name gave me hope. The more I said it, the more peace came over me.

When the two doctors returned, they both appeared calm. The words “febrile seizure” were mentioned- the first time I had ever heard those words. They assured me Jase would be alright, and the spike in his temperature caused the seizure. He would probably take a long nap. We were out the door as if we had just experienced any regular appointment.

(The day we found out he had pneumonia.)

In the short amount of time spent at that office I felt I had aged. Maybe it was a spiritual aging. I had turned to my God, and His presence was palpable in that exam room. His presence left me thankful. He allowed Jase’s first seizure to happen with our own pediatrician in the room. He gave us answers through an X-ray that Jase had pneumonia. We were able to treat his sickness with antibiotics. A friend drove my Mom down to help me- a five hour round trip for her. Other friends brought us dinner. Such expressions of God’s great love for us! Such ways He filled us with peace.

All it took was one name.

What Everyone Should Know About God

"What is IMPOSSIBLE with men is POSSIBLE with God!" Not only do we read this in the Bible (Luke chapter 18, and about 7 other passages), but I have seen this play out with my own two eyes.

I found out about the Write Brilliant Academy about two months ago. Since then I have taken 4 different (FREE!) webinars and mini-courses. God used the course instructors Jonathan and Margaret to powerfully influence me. They wooed me to attend their Write Brilliant Academy like a 16 year old boy looking for a Prom date! My heart has been racing with excitement and anticipation over this opportunity.

The only hitch- the Academy costs a big chunk of change. A chunk of change we absolutely do not have. So about 7 days ago Chuck and I began to ask God to do the impossible and provide the money. We even pinned up a dollar bill in our kitchen and wrote, "1,000" on it to remind us God would do the impossible. We had 8 days to enroll before it closed, but I told Chuck I wanted God to provide today, Monday.

This morning the money had not come in, but I still had several hours until enrollment closed. I got down on my knees and brought my desire before the Spirit once again. Much later in the day as Chuck and I were watching the kids peel and eat (EW!) their dyed hard-boiled Easter eggs, GOD MADE THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE! 

With 7 hours and 38 minutes to spare, He suddenly parted the waters and paved a way for me to enroll in the WRITE BRILLIANT ACADEMY! I have been asked by a third party not to share the details- though I am bursting to gush about it- but know we have been blown away by our amazing Father God!

What seems impossible to you? Bring it to Jesus and watch him knock your socks off.

That's all for now, I have some classes to attend!

A Cheat Sheet for Reducing Sugar

Hey All! Welcome back! As promised, it's recipe week! I've been figuring things as out I go and doing a ton of Pinterest searching to learn new recipes that help eliminate sugar. Lucky for you, this post will list some of my fav's all in one place! Let's stick to some basics- breakfast, snack, and dinner. (If you didn't read my previous posts, check out Fed Up and Swap and Go first.)

Breakfast Recipes:

Egg and Veggie Casserole

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

10 eggs
1 Cup broccoli, zucchini, or a favorite veggie (or mix a couple!)
1 C shredded cheddar cheese
2 C milk
1 C ground and cooked sausage
S/P to taste

Mix eggs in a bowl with fork. Add the rest of ingredients. Pour all into a greased 9x13 dish. Bake for 35-45 minutes. Once cooled, can last for several days in the fridge.

Baked Oatmeal

Check out http://cookieandkate.com/ for lots of great, healthy recipes! This is one of my favorite breakfast recipes by Kate:

http://cookieandkate.com/2016/baked-oatmeal-recipe/

Zucchini Scrambled Eggs

Crack 2 eggs in a bowl and mix with a fork.
Add 1/4 Cup of diced zucchini to a hot, greased, frying pan.
Add S/P to taste.
When zucchini is soft, add eggs and scramble in the pan.
Sprinkle a bit of cheese on top.

***I like to dice up a whole zucchini at the beginning of the week & store in the fridge so I can just toss them into my eggs easy peesy in the morning.

Snack Recipes:

Ab's Favorite Smoothie (found several versions on Pinterest, tweaked to my own liking.)

In a blender, combine:

1 Cup UNsweet almond milk
1 1/2 FROZEN bananas
2 TBS Peanut butter
1/4 C oats

Chuck & Ab's Favorite Popcorn

2 TBS coconut oil
1/4 C + a little more popcorn seeds
Salt to taste

Heat coconut oil on medium in a large pot on the stove. Sprinkle salt into the oil. Add popcorn seeds and immediately put the lid on the pot. Wait for the seeds to pop! Make sure you take the pot off once the seeds stop popping.

Dinner Recipes:

EASY Baked Potato Bar 

Rinse and scrub however many potatoes you'd like.  While still wet, place them in a crock pot on low for about 6 hours. Stab potatoes with a fork & check for softness a couple hours before dinner time- you made need to switch to high heat.

Toppings:

Cooked Broccoli
Canned Turkey chili
Cheese
Butter
S/P

AMAZING Crock Pot Roast Beef 

http://livinglikethekings.com/2010/12/most-amazing-and-super-easy-pot-roast-in-a-slow-cooker/

Taco Salad

1 lb. ground beef, cooked + add taco seasoning and simmer with water until water is cooked down
Diced tomatoes
Chopped lettuce
Black beans, cooked
Shredded cheddar cheese
Sliced Avocado

Mix all ingredients and enjoy!

Please comment with any of YOUR personal favorite sugarless recipes- I'm always looking for new ideas!

Swap and Go!

(If you didn’t read the post “FED UP”check that out first!)

I’m a cold turkey kind of girl. I never see the need to ween myself off of something. If I’m not supposed to have it, then I quit. In October I quit caffeine. I was drinking an iced tea when I decided to quit, so I dumped it out and that was that. When it was time for my babies to quit their binkies, I took them all away- never to be seen again. Years ago when I realized my stomach was not prone to tolerating dairy, I switched to soy and gave up cheese.

After watching Fed Up, I was immediately ready for my family to eliminate sugar, but I’m also frugal. The cold turkey approach didn't work. My advice to anyone wanting to majorly cut back their sugar intake:

1. Wait until you use up the food currently hanging out in your pantry. I am not a waster, so it took me a couple weeks until the yucky stuff was weeded out.
2. In the meantime, during your next grocery store visit only purchase the good stuff. Eventually, you’ll weed out all the yucky stuff.

There is no official yucky stuff vs. good stuff list. For me, I try to base my eating habits off what the good Lord has created for us. Keep in mind: I STILL EAT SUGAR! This past weekend we had friends over, I attended a bridal shower, and went to a teen event. Each of these occasions offered sugary treats, so of course I enjoyed some of them! The key for me is to drastically eliminate my sugar intake. Here are some of the tricks I use to do this. We’ll call this Swap and Go!

Instead of drinking sweet tea, soda, juice, or any other sugary drink, swap it with sparkling water. Add a lemon or lime wedge for an extra kick! La Croix is also a great swap. My favorite is the coconut flavor with a lime- a tropical treat! Also, brew your own UNsweet iced tea- it’s super cheap and super easy. Don’t use sugar substitutes. I can’t say this enough: no diet soda, no Splenda, no Sweet and Low, etc. It all turns to sugar, and is bad for the body.

Instead of a granola bars, crackers, cookies, muffins or whatever your normal go-to snack is, swap with nuts! Cashews, almonds, pistachio’s, and sunflower seeds make a great mix. Put them in a zip lock bag, throw them in your purse and they’ll be accessible wherever you go.  Or swap for plain or whole grain rice cakes with some nut butter.

Instead of the insanely-sugary cereals (which is almost ALL cereals- check those sugar labels), swap with PLAIN oatmeal, plus raisins or fresh fruit. It’s really hard to find a sugarless cereal, but plain Cheerios or Cornflakes do have a much lower amount of sugar. I buy a whole grain “Puff Cereal” at our local health food store, and it has zero sugar in it. At first our kids didn’t want to go near these cereals with a 10-foot pole, but now they’re totally fine with it. It took many weeks for them to adjust, but it’s so worth it.

Ditch those yogurt squeezies for kids- they are chocked full of sugar. Swap it with plain yogurt and fresh fruit, or an UNsweet apple sauce squeezie.

Swap out flavored coffee creamer with a small amount of half and half. Add a little almond extract for a yummy aroma!

Instead of baking with white flour and sugar, swap it with Spelt flour and UNsweet applesauce. Chuck makes the most divine homemade, spelt flour and apple sauce fresh bread!

Instead of store-bought, sugary red sauces and salsa’s, swap by making your own sugar-free versions. I promise it’s very easy to do! I do not like cooking or baking, and even I can make these swaps.

The last swap, and one of my favorites, is to give up those nighttime desserts. Instead, use coconut oil and fix some popcorn on the stove top! It takes care of the munchies and tastes really yummy! I am not a popcorn person, but I really enjoy this swap.

So there you have it, some basic Swap and Go’s! Please share any of your own personal Swap and Go’s. I would love to expand my horizons! In the next post, I’ll share some meals ideas for anyone interested. 

FED UP

Hey All! I have to admit, my brain feels a bit dusty and my fingers a bit stiff as I haven't written in awhile, but glory be BOTH KIDS ARE NAPPING TODAY!! I have a story to tell! In keeping with the purpose of my blog, which is to share real life stories of the real life Jesus in my life, this latest scenario is too incredible not to write about.

Right around the time the holidays were hitting last year, I began to feel incredibly discouraged about my body. I knew my weight was at an all-time high, my pants were getting tight (TWO pairs of jeans even ripped at the zipper!! Ugh, just shoot me.), I was exhausted most of the time and never got through a day without a nap. This had nothing to do with "I had two babies in way less than 2 years", but everything to do with something needing to change. I just didn’t know what. Or how.

So I did the ONLY thing I knew would help me. I cried out to God. Oh how He cares about every single detail in my vast heart. I shared with Him how discouraged I was, and how I needed help. I told Him I was not going to be about any kind of diet or crash-eating situation.

 I continued through the holiday season feeling insecure about my weight as I prepared to see family I hadn’t seen in a while. Right before Christmas an idea began to form, which I can only explain as wisdom given to me straight from my Abba Father. I even shared the idea with my Mom and SIL over Christmas break. It was simply this: If I stuck to eating the foods our good Lord created, how could they be bad for me?  I mean God created our fruits, vegetables, meats, milk, eggs, and nuts for our pleasure. Though I didn’t feel like I had an official plan, something was stirring in me.

Later in January, I was checking Netflix to see what new shows or movies were being offered. I “stumbled upon” (i.e. God laid it out for me on a silver platter!) a documentary called, “FED UP”. According to Netflix, “This eye-opening documentary examines the underlying causes of childhood obesity, which has become an increasingly serious medical issue in America.” I was riveted from the start. I watched a little bit right away, and then finished later that night with Chuck by my side. We were both moved by what we saw. So moved, in fact, we started making changes in our kitchen right away.

In the documentary, Katie Couric highlights the addiction Americans have to sugar. As viewed by an MRI scan, when a person eats sugar their brain lights up the same way it does when a person takes cocaine. Even Congress claims pizza is a vegetable! So much of our food is processed with an enormous amount of added sugar. Grab a box of any type of food in your pantry, and check out the label. You will NOT see the percentage of sugar a person is supposed to have in one day, but you will see a percentage for the other categories. For instance, you will see, “Total Carbohydrates, 24g, 8%”. When looking at sugar, you will see, “Sugars, 15g” then a blank space. Companies are not required, and do not provide that information. 

The morning after Chuck and I watched the FED UP documentary, he looked at our coffee creamer label to see how much sugar we were drinking, and then looked up the American Heart Association’s guide for daily sugar intake. We were drinking an ENTIRE day’s worth of sugar in our morning coffee alone. In just one cup! I mean it when we say we were horrified! That was the first thing to go.

After that, we decided to boycott processed sugar for 10 days and we never turned back. In 7 weeks, I have taken very few naps- a border line miracle, I have healthy energy, and have lost 9 pounds. Trust me when I say I am not on a diet. I am not deprived! Every single time I’m hungry- I eat (which is quite often), but we have drastically decreased our sugar intake. Believe me, I still eat dessert here and there, and still drink the occasional sugary coffee drink.

So why am I sharing this? I feel compelled. I was in a desperate place several months ago. I needed help, I cried out to God and He gave me answers! Not only has He been helping me, but He’s been helping me help my family. I am learning how to better feed my kids, and how to provide food for them that nourishes their bodies not just fills them up. (When they actually eat, of course!) 

I have been hesitant to share about this journey because people talking about their eating habits is usually annoying. Even still, as I’ve chatted with a few friends about this they’ve been really curious and have asked me to share the insight God has given me. So here I am laying it all out there. Over the next couple of posts I will share tips, tidbits, and even recipes I’ve gained along the way. Please feel free to ask any questions. For anyone interested, I’m happy to serve you! 

Quiet Season

Chuck and I are entering a new season. Just as we got into the groove of our 3 and (almost) 2 year old, the routines are changing. Jase has dropped his nap, which has put a huge wrench in the system. Going from about 21 hours of napping a week to NONE has left me feeling slightly crazy. It has even made me angry at times. I used to live for naps. I'd survive until naps. I'd hang on until naps. I never realized I had about 21 hours of "free" time a week, and now that it's gone I feel like I'm always falling and don't get to land until bedtime. Oh alone time! How I long for you!

God has been speaking to me through a number of conversations lately. It has become obvious He is leading me into a quiet season. An unplugged season. A season where I get to journal my thoughts and experiences before God alone. This is a season where my intentionality as a mother is kicking into a higher gear. God has gently made me aware of where I've been disengaged with my family, and how I need to shift my focus. 

I’ve been striving hard to find my gifting, my calling, my purpose, etc. It’s been a heavy thought on my heart as I’ve tried to figure it out- whether writing, speaking, both, or something altogether different. What God has made clear is my calling to Mother my son and daughter with complete focus and tenacity. It’s time to let go of a few things I’ve been able to regularly accomplish during nap time, one of them being this blog.

I am not shutting down the blog, just stepping back from the grind of writing every week. I hope to still pop up a post here and there like I used to, but without that weekly pressure. Wherever God wants to lead me is where I’ll go! For now, this road right here is looking pretty lovely...

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

Nothing more I could want...

Merry Christmas to all!

When We Give

One final thought before I head into my Christmas and New Years sabbatical. (Haha! Are you as amused as me I gave my own self a sabbatical from my own writing?!)

Recently God led Chuck and I to give financially to this campaign at our church. We were asked to commit monthly for three years. I can't say I've been excited about this, but we're moving forward in obedience and faith. Ever since we gave our pledge, God has not only provided, but surprised us with Sweet Things.

When we were traveling over Thanksgiving, we really wanted to eat at one of our favorite spots in VA- Potbelly's! I saved up some grocery money so we could treat ourselves. Instead, God provided when friends of ours treated us to lunch at Potbelly's, and I was able to use that money later for needed groceries!

Then this week, we found out Basye's insurance covers the cost of something we have to spend a lot of money on every month. It took a gazillion phone calls, and several stops at pharmacies, but FINALLY we received these for FREE!

Prescription diapers?! Most pharmacies had never heard of this. I certainly never have. They even put a sticker on the bag saying, "Use up to 6 daily" like a real prescription. Haha! We get to pick up a week's worth of diapers (the NICE diapers, mind you- we NEVER get the nice diapers! Pampers smell so amazing!) once a week until the end of the year. I'm just so excited!!

The other thing I realized is ever since we gave our pledge, I've had grocery money left over each month. That never happens. I usually struggle to stick within our grocery budget, and have been baffled at having extra.

The only explanation I have is when God asks us to give- He gives more. In abundance. That's our good, good God. Our good, good Father. I love Him so.

Blessings on each and every one of you. I have no doubt God is pouring out His Sweet Things on you, as well. Share, if you'd like. It would be a joy to hear your stories.

Merry Christmas all! Love you much.

A Word For Me, Part 2

The first thing Keith did was ask me a question, “Do you feel like you’re in a dry place or wilderness, maybe not fulfilled?” Tears sprang to my eyes instantly over the words not fulfilled. All manner of thoughts raced through my mind.

I’m a mother to two children who I agonized over. I am blessed! All I ever wanted to do with my life was get married and have babies, but now that I’m here I don’t think mothering is what I thought it would be. What was I actually wanting? I feel guilty for being bored, tired, exhausted, and uninterested in mothering at times. Was my life meant to be about diapers, potty training, breaking up fights (constantly!!!!), cleaning up sticky tables, Paw Patrol, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and mastering the art oh-so-UNsuccessfully of raising my children to be respectful and obedient? My quick tears verified the guilt drenched truth- I don’t feel fulfilled. Or maybe more accurately, I don’t feel as if I’m fulfilling my calling well.

I was thankful Keith and I were talking on the phone, as I was able to mask my tears. He went on to tell me about two passages of Scripture from Isaiah (Chapters 12 and 35). As he read them aloud, these words raced straight to my heart as a precious gift from God. I wrote them frantically in my journal as he was reading, “Be strong, fear not. Eyes of the blind opened. Refreshing. Redeemed. Everlasting JOY. The Lord is my strength and my song. Draw water from the wells. Proclaim that His name is exalted. The dry land shall be glad and blossom abundantly.”

Hearing and receiving those Scriptures felt like the purest water soaking into my dry spirit. It was almost as if I was kneeling on parched ground, weary and exhausted and all of the sudden I was surrounded by crystal blue, fresh water. It was like I got to cup my hands in it, take a deep breath, and splash myself in the refreshment of it.  I continued to guzzle in everything Keith shared from the glorious Scriptures.

He pointed out the impact of intercessory prayer ministry is not to be understated. Prayers are powerful. This was particularly jolting to me because I have time to pray for others as I’m home raising my kids. When they’re up in the night, I pray. When I can’t fall back asleep, I pray. As I hear those little voices first thing in the morning when it’s still dark out, I pray. When I tuck them in for their naps and bedtime, I pray. When it’s time to eat, I pray. Keith encouraged me to keep looking for opportunities to pray, for there is power in those prayers. James tell us- each and every one of us- that ALL of our prayers are powerful and effective. 

Keith continued to explain how relational connections are evident in my life, and those are to be celebrated. It’s hard to describe what it was like to receive this affirmation. I guess I can just say it felt like God spoke to an empty part of my heart that had constantly been wondering, “Do I even matter?” I battle this thought often. As I’m raising my kids, do I even matter? In broken family relationships, do I even matter? Working with teenagers, do I even matter? As a writer, do I even matter? In my calling, do I even matter?

Every one of those doubts comes from lies the enemy whispers into my spirit. What God spoke the loudest to me through Keith that night was- I matter. My life matters. Through the blood Jesus shed for me, I am bought back from the lies and am equipped through the Spirit to not just exist, but to thrive.

At the end of our conversation, Keith said one more thing that has stuck with me, almost more than anything else. Three years ago someone told Keith he would be developing a new gifting. In the last couple months, I am the second person to ask Keith if he had a word to share. No one else has ever asked him that question in his life. He was encouraged in the Spirit because I followed the prompting of the Spirit in my own heart. I was so nervous about asking the question, "Do you have a word for me?". But if I hadn't obeyed the voice of God, not only would I have missed out on an incredible gift of refreshment, but Keith would have missed out, too.

Thank you to God for pouring out His word through His children, and through all of our different gifts. Thank you to Keith for taking the time to seek God on my behalf, and to boldly speak into my life.

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. 

The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

In that day you will say: Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted.”

 Isaiah 12  

A Word For Me, Part 1

A couple weeks ago, I was leaving Fusion (the High School ministry where I volunteer) and felt a prompting in my spirit to ask a certain person for “a word”. It was the strangest feeling. This idea felt heavy. I knew the guy the Holy Spirit had put on my heart- he regularly speaks at Fusion, his wife had been my teen small group co-leader for two years, and I had been on a mission trip with one of his daughters. Still, I didn’t really know him. I felt fidgety. I was about to leave the building when Keith rounded the corner.

If there were ever a time for the phrase Here goes nothing, that was it. I mustered up the courage to walk up to Keith at the same time a group of students approached him. "Blast. Maybe this was my out. Maybe I had heard wrong", I thought. I decided to put my name tag away in the designated box to kill some time. The group continued to talk. “I’m outta here”, was all I could think. I headed towards the exit again when I realized Keith and his daughter were behind me. I zipped around and blurted out, “Do you have a word for me?” Thinking about that makes me laugh. It felt so silly to me, but I knew it was what God had prompted me to do. Keith replied, “Right now?” I assured him he could take his time and get back to me. He said he would, and I got the heck out of there.

Whew. I was relieved. I (almost) didn’t even care if Keith ever got back to me, I was just happy I had done what God asked. My part was over! I told Chuck about the encounter later that night. He smiled at me and told me that was a great question to ask. I was surprised by his response, and felt encouraged.

A few days later, all the forces of cosmic toddler evil invaded our home. I don’t know what on earth took over our kids, but the day was rotten. They were cranky, clinging, whiny, needy- which turned into fighting, hitting, pushing, crying, and screaming. (Some of the screaming might have been my own.) We were supposed to leave for our Thanksgiving travels the next morning, and I wanted nothing more than to leave the kids in their rooms and head to VA without them. (Not really, but if you're a Mom, you feel me.) I was going NUTS with the mayhem. I can’t even remember specific details, just the craziness that welled up within me.

When Chuck FINALLY arrived home, the nuts became nuttier. Why does that happen?! I ran away to the bathroom so I could get some semblance of peace and quiet. I cried out to God- ahem- demanded God do a miracle because it was going to be impossible to change my mood without one. We somehow survived the arsenic hour of dinner time and headed to do baths. It was right smack in the midst of all this chaos that I received a text from Keith. Chuck suggested I talk to him on the phone right away because I might really need “the word”.

I got really nervous. What in the world would God want to tell me through Keith, who I barely know? I got out my journal and pen, and made the call. 

The Last Resort, by Beth Fowler

Please welcome my friend, and one of the fabulous leaders from my writing group, Beth Fowler! Her story fascinates me, and I know you will be blessed by reading it. She is writing in response to my question, "Who is Jesus to you?" as part of the Who is Jesus series.  

***

Who was Jesus to me? He was a storybook character like Santa Claus and Prince Charming.

I went to Sunday school and endured goofy flannel-board stories narrated by ladies that seemed very old to me. At age 12, I quit going to Sunday school and church. My parents didn’t question why. Faith was never discussed in our house. You went to school on weekdays, the YMCA on Saturday and church on Sunday. Now my Sundays were free!

Decades passed. My life looked perfect. In reality, many mornings I woke up angry, but didn’t know why. Time slogged by as I guzzled alcohol, studied Buddhism, attended Avatar (not the movie, but a thought system), consumed legal and illegal drugs, used sarcasm, babbled to a psychologist, left my husband temporarily, babbled to another psychologist, yadda, yadda, yadda…I’ve broken every one of the 10 commandments.

Once in a while, I visited churches where phrases like “covered in the blood of the lamb” and sad lyrics of hymns remained indecipherable to me. My super-religious relatives (by marriage) refuse to visit us for Thanksgiving dinner if we serve wine. If that’s Christianity, I didn’t want any.

Even so, I knew there is a god and was so in awe of him or her or it that when people asked, “What are you?” I squirmed. Atheist was too final. Agnostic seemed dodgy. Buddhist didn’t fit either.

Meanwhile, a clot of grief throbbed near my heart, as though someone I loved had died. I worried that my black thoughts were radiating from me like poison. I was afraid my rotten inner world would give me cancer. Nothing I’d tried changed me. By the time I reached middle age, I dreaded trudging through the rest of my life if the future was going to be more of the same.

Then, six years ago, a Christian friend told me about an Alpha class at her church.

You see, Nicky Gumbel was a barrister (Brit for lawyer). One day Nicky’s buddy told him he'd accepted Jesus as his savior. Appalled, Nicky studied the Bible and other sources to be able to prove his friend wrong.

As you can guess, Nicky found evidence and corroboration. He became a believer, an ordained priest and presenter in the Alpha DVD series.

Nicky is the first person to explain Bible stuff in a way that made sense to me. Plus, he cited other corroborative sources. (It doesn't hurt that he's cute, funny, articulate and smart.)

After the first Alpha class, I wrote in my journal: "I believe Jesus was more than a man. I accept He is the Son of God. This acknowledgment has lifted my heavy, dark, judgmental cloud. The weight that lifted was from my futile effort to ignore and disregard the two billion-plus Christians living today and the 2000-plus years of Christian tradition."

My husband was blindsided when I crossed the line of faith. He said, “I’m worried about the consequences.”  He was afraid I would become like his religious kin and start talking in an odd accent about Hittites and begin laying down ultimatums.

 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26 NIV) My new heart is beating, and Holy Spirit rewired my mind.

Who is Jesus to me? He’s my life saver. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

(In honor of one of Jase's favorite shows these days!)

Burger King and a Divine Appointment, Part 2

After my awful nights sleep at the camp with my girlfriends, Chuck picked me up. As we were driving to my parent’s house, where our kids were staying, I was starving. I needed to eat. We saw an exit approaching where I knew one of my best friend’s lived. I asked Chuck if I should even bother calling since it was so last minute. He encouraged me to just try, and we got off the highway. Katie picked up right away. We exchanged small talk for a couple seconds and then I asked her where she was. When I told her my location, she exclaimed, “Are you serious?!” Turns out, she was about to drive right by the Burger King where we had parked. She then told me to look over at the stop light, and I saw her car!

She had her oldest son with her, and her Mom, who I hadn’t seen in quite a long time. We all got out of our cars and joyfully embraced each other. It was a sweet reunion. The first thing Mrs. Dimler (Katie’s Mom) shared was how God had miraculously provided for her and her husband with a house. (That is an amazing story, but for another day!) What happened with her house got me thinking about a different story. So after we all sat down with our food, I asked Mrs. Dimler to share the story of how God healed her heart. (Sorry, another amazing story for another day!) I will say, Chuck and I listened intently, just mesmerized by the way she talked about Jesus. There was a smittenness (yes, I said smittenness) in her voice. Joy on her face. She sounded and looked so in love with Jesus. She kept talking about how good He is.

After she finished telling her heart story, she shared about another physical issue she’d been having. I had to keep myself from gasping out loud because- get this- it was the SAME issue I have been dealing with for the past year. I sat there stunned. And in tears. I could sense The Spirit at work in a powerful way, and I knew Chuck was feeling it, too. I reached over and we grasped hands.

Through tears, I finally blurted out that I’d been having the same physical issue. Mrs. Dimler spoke such a powerful word over me. She reminded me of the necessity of Scripture, but added how I needed to claim those words, not just speak them. She encouraged me to own the words, and believe the words. One thing that particularly struck me was when she recited 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God did not give us a Spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind”. Then she said, “So if God did not give us the spirit of fear, then where did it come from? The enemy!” To which she promptly proclaimed, “Go back to the abyss you came from, Satan! In Jesus Name!” Can I get a Hallelujah?!

 

 

The Truth that God gives me the spirit of a sound mind both refreshes and relieves my spirit in a way I haven’t experienced with this Scripture ever before. Since I struggle with anxiety so heavily, my mind is constantly waging war against me. I love the fresh wind of hope that Paul proclaims in 2 Timothy. I proclaim the Spirit of a sound mind, and I proclaim it over you, friend- if you’re reading this and struggle with similar issues.

Later in the conversation, Mrs. Dimler expressed how important it was to be off of caffeine completely with the physical issues we struggle with. When Mrs. Dimler said that, it was like I heard an answer from God. Stop drinking caffeine. (I was sitting there drinking a black iced tea!) My caffeine intake has been heavy since my Starbucks years- who I fully blame for my addiction. I am a coffee lover. I am an iced tea lover. I have always drank both daily, but that day, I dumped out my iced tea and haven’t had any caffeine since. Two days later, I stopped the medication I had been on for almost two years. One week later, I was pain free.

That was about a month ago, and I’ve been pain free ever since.

I followed up with my doctor a couple weeks ago. She was amazed the pain was suddenly gone, but attributes it to me giving up caffeine. God may have used the lack of caffeine to bring healing, or maybe He just healed me! He certainly healed me from a spiritual sense. I rest on His promises. I find peace in His Truth. I claim His power. I claim His spirit of love and a sound mind.

He gave me a Divine Appointment with a strong woman in the faith, and the Great Physician worked me over.