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| Billie and her husband, Mark |
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In the quietness of the morning,
I sit with my coffee in hand while anticipating my day. It is my favorite time of the day. Not because I have a special affection for
mornings, but because it is the one time that I am able to savor 3 things I
love: coffee, quietness, and Jesus.
But that distortion, imperfection and brokenness is now where I see
Jesus the most in my day.
I have not always had the ability to see Him in those
moments. Through trials and my own
brokenness, my walk with Him has deepened and matured. Perhaps, the best way to describe it is my
expectations have shifted.
In the past, my expectation of seeing Jesus in my day would
have been something close to emulating His perfection. I had
the false expectation that I was walking with Him throughout my day ONLY if
my words were consistently encouraging, my reactions gentle, and my attitude righteous. The reality was that no matter how hard I
tried, I could not imitate these qualities 100% of the time. I felt defeated at the end of every day.
Recently, I had the opportunity to see Him in the midst of
my own chaos. I had come to my quiet
time weary (something that happens quite often
as a mother of four.) I found
this familiar passage:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you
rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn
from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your
souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden
is light. Matthew 11:28-30.
Though I came to this passage to lighten my heart, what
jumped off the page at me was for I am
gentle and humble in heart.
Oh how that was my heart’s desire for that day: To be
gentle and humble with my children.
Gentleness often eludes me (which is
often why I feel weary and burdened.)
My sincere prayer was “Jesus please allow me to display your gentle and
humble spirit today.”
However, somewhere in my day my “humanness” took over. And I blew it. I spoke in a “not so gentle” tone to one of
my children (fancy terminology for yelled).
In the moments after my sin, I felt as though I was
graveling at His feet. But then His
spirit spoke to me. He reminded me of
His word….: “for I am gentle and humble
in heart.”
I knew exactly what He was asking me to do.
I would like to say that I immediately obeyed, but it is
very difficult to be truly humble before your child. At least it is for me. His constant nudging finally led me to seek
out the offended child and confess.
As I walked away, it took a few moments to connect His presence in this moment.
To be gentle and humble in spirit.
I was so busy focusing on how I missed the mark of
gentleness, that I almost missed how He was still present even though I fell
short. Again. .
He has given me new eyes to see and a heart to understand
that He is still working and walking with me during these imperfect moments.
Because of His grace, He allowed me to
display His humbleness. He did
answer my prayer to reflect Him…even if it was through my flawed humanity.
I will never obtain perfection in my words, actions and
attitude. Not on this side of
eternity. However, I can pray for eyes to see His hand being
outstretched to me in the moments that I stumble and fall. I can ask
for His redemption in my failing moments.
And I can know with confidence that Jesus
is walking with me in every moment of
every day.
3 comments:
Beautiful, Billie! I needed this reminder today! I lost my patience yesterday with my daughter and found myself apologizing. Gentle and humble... I love those goals!
Very touching, Billie!
Thanks so much Billie!! It's so great for us to admit our weaknesses to others. Lately I feel as though my weaknesses are outweighing my strengths. I certainly find comfort in hearing how other moms miss the mark too. I am grateful to be standing in His humble and gentle spirit with you!! Where else could I ever hope to be? Blessings and love!! Jenny M.
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