Full of Joy

I have moved many times in my life starting at 6 years old. It has never been my desire to move around, but alas we are embarking on our 7th move in 8 years of marriage. Gawh. This past summer we loaded up our family, left our home of the previous 4 years and moved into a farm house owned by Chuck's Aunt- though she doesn't live on the farm herself.  Before we ever stepped foot on the property, both us of knew with certainty we wanted to permanently live in the area. Chuck has applied for countless jobs while working 2 part-time positions, 6 days a week .  It's not easy work, and it's not easy to have him gone so much. Our time at the farm was always going to be temporary, and we are exceedingly grateful for the past 5 months of peace, solitude, and utter beauty that surrounds us here. This house has been a haven. A place for physical refuge when we sold our house and had no place to go. All of our earthly possessions have been packed in boxes in the basement as mont...

I'm sitting here in a Starbucks on my 36th birthday. On the drive here I got to chat with my Dad on the phone. He had just come from getting his very first hearing aid. How did I get to this place in life? Speeding towards 40 at break neck speed, my parents now Grandparents and getting hearing aids? Today has been a day of discouragement and near-tears multiple times. I'm feeling the tension of getting older, but also understanding I still have at least 36 MORE years ahead of me. (I had to get a calculator to figure out I will be 72 in 36 more years. Gah, I hate math.) What bothers me most about myself right now is Mothering . Every single night I go to bed thinking about how I messed up a million times with my kids that day. I yelled. I threw a padded envelope down the stairs because the kids were screaming at each other over it. I lost my temper. I locked myself alone in my room while the kids watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I huffed. I puffed. I rolled my eyes. I growled. I...