Shattered to Shining, by Taylor Sharp

Hey All! I am SO happy to introduce you to a new guest blogger- Taylor Sharp! I know Taylor from our church's youth group. She has such a heart for Jesus, and people. It's a JOY to have her share with us today!

“Humble yourselves, therefore under God’s mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

In September of 2014, I was diagnosed with a concussion after taking a basketball to the back of the head in gym class. (Haha! Pathetic right?!) At the time, I was told the concussion was minor, and in a few weeks I would be as good as new. After several days off from school, three dropped classes, quitting my seven year commitment to the swim team, physical therapy, turning my back on God, two years of headache medicine, and much more, I can now say this concussion was anything but minor. It changed my entire life.

Because of the way my brain reacted to the injury, I experienced more anxiety than ever. I have struggled with anxiety since elementary school- panic attacks, stomach aches, the whole bit. A few weeks afterwards, I had lost ten pounds because I was so sick. I cried daily because I was so stressed, and I had abandoned my faith because I believed God had abandoned me. All of this was due to my brain naturally overproducing cortisol (the “fight or flight” hormone).

 For the first time in my life, I hit rock bottom. I was crippled by fear, exhausted, and doubtful of God. I didn’t trust anyone, I was pessimistic, and I was bitter. I was convinced I had met my end.

The months following the concussion are a blur. I don’t remember my sixteenth birthday or celebrating Christmas, so I can’t really speak to how I coped or made it to “the light at the end of the tunnel”. However, I do remember telling my mom two things throughout the process. I told her in excessive detail, God didn’t love me. She would tell you it broke her heart to see me turn from my faith, and doubt God’s love. However, I wholeheartedly believed he didn’t love me. I believed he took everything I had worked for and wanted. I also thought he stopped responding to my prayers and left me in silence. I was lonely and afraid. I don’t know how I made it back to salvation, except that God’s grace covered me and welcomed me back with open arms, and my mom never stopped praying for me. It was under God’s mighty hand I was lifted up.

Secondly, I constantly cried to her I was broken. Now, if you know anything about me, you know I am not one to cry. The word “robot” comes to mind ;). I would lie on the floor, tears streaming down my face, staring up at the woman who had supported me through everything, and I would desperately beg her to fix me, to put my pieces back together, to make me “normal”.  Looking back, I surely wasn’t wrong about my brokenness. Realizing this and realizing I needed help truly humbled me.

My parents did everything to help me recover. I was soon diagnosed with anxiety at the pediatrician and put on a medication. The medicine helped me take control of my life and helps me cope with everyday stressors. As I regained my strength, I had to re-learn how to trust. By attending counseling at my church, I slowly began to trust God with my anxieties again. I can cast them on Him because He really does care for me. Weekly therapy sessions left me with raw emotions, vulnerable, and terrified someone would find out my secret of being so broken. It was through these months I learned the importance of God’s perfect timing.

Today, I am still broken. I still battle anxiety and fear, but I am now unashamed of the works He is doing in me. The Lord will be victorious. Let us not be overcome with the shame of our brokenness, but instead use it to encourage our neighbors. Without the grueling experience of a concussion, I would not currently stand in the same place of reliance and confidence in God.

1 Peter 5:6-7 reads, “Humble yourselves, therefore under God’s mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.”

We serve a God who uses us as we are, but loves us enough not to leave us there. I encourage you to remain faithful to Him because he is faithful despite our unworthiness.

God continues to fight the devil for my anxious heart daily, but I am now equipped and stronger than ever to fight with Him.