How about I share some nitty gritty? I'm feeling vulnerable so today that means keeping it really real about something that weighs on me (pun not intended), but I rarely speak about.
Over the last several months, I have noticed myself gaining weight. Although I have cared, I haven’t cared enough to do something about it. I’ve done SO MANY diets over the years. I know, I know, in this day and age we don’t have “diets”. We have trendy ways of eating that have cool names like Whole 30 and Paleo, and we post pictures of our trendy ways of eating on Instagram showing how cool we are for not being on a “diet”. Let’s tell it like it is: These trendy ways of eating are the 90’s version of going “fat free” or doing the Atkins.
Like I said, I’ve tried so many different ways of eating and have had great success. The problem is, none of the things I have done are sustainable for long-term. I can’t eat meat, fruits and veggies ONLY for the rest of my life. I can’t cut out sugar for the rest of my life. I can’t cut out carbs for the rest of my life. When I do these diets (yeah, I said it, DIETS!) I go all in. I can’t do anything half-hearted, so when I’m in, I’m in. It becomes an obsession, and I don’t like being controlled by it. I then end up leaning the other way and let myself eat whatever I want without guilt…until the weight goes back on. It’s a bitter cycle.
Earlier today I went grocery shopping and decided to swing by Old Navy to see if their jeans were on sale. They were 30% off, so I grabbed a couple pairs to try on. Sure enough, I had to go up a size. As I was looking in the mirror I couldn’t stop staring at my legs. Then I turned sideways to examine my belly. I felt so horrible about myself I wanted to cover my face and hide. But there’s no place to hide from your very own body. I decided to purchase the cheaper pair (although I really wanted the high rise ones- WHY do they have to be $10 more?!) and head home.
When I got there, would you know, my 4-year-old-daughter came up to me, pushed on my belly and said, “Mama! You have a baby in there!” I instantly got tears in my eyes. Chuck tried to cover over her comment, but the damage was done. Of course there’s not a baby in there, that’s all belly. Again, I wanted to cover my face and hide. This time I put my face in Chuck’s chest and let myself feel the tears, and the pain of not wanting to be in my own body.
Rest assured, Chuck said all kinds of wonderful things about me and my body- but if you’re a wife, you know. It doesn’t change how we feel. The words are kind and nice and helpful, but at our core, they don’t change us.
What is the answer? Well, while I’m sitting here envisioning each face reading this post, I know you have been there. I know you have been just as discouraged about your own size in some shape or form (pun intended). I know I’m not alone.
Sisters, let’s lock arms about this thing and face it together. Let’s be honest and fight it head on.
Here’s what I think we should do:
RECEIVE THE TRUTH that we are beloved daughters of the One True King. Notice I didn’t say believe it, but receive it. We have to grab hold of it. Own the Truth. Wear the Truth.
For me, that means I stop all negative talk in my head. No more, “Ewww. How did your legs get to be so enormous?!” Instead I will think, “God says I’m beautifully and wonderfully made!”
I will put on my “next size up” jeans tomorrow and walk in confidence, boldly embracing my new mentality.
TELL A TRUSTED FRIEND how you are honestly feeling about your body. Choose a friend who won’t just respond by telling you how fat and gross she feels, too. Choose someone who will speak LIFE. Don’t just say, “I am so fat and ugly!” Instead, share your heart that you are discouraged and struggling about the way you look. Allow her to pour Holy Spirit wisdom into you.
I’ve already reached out to some friends and even though it’s tough to share so vulnerably, their beautiful insight has lifted my spirits. They have blessed my heart.
JUST BUY the next size up. Yep. Sometimes we just have to bite the bullet. There’s no point squeezing and cramming and squishing all manner of body parts into something that’s just not meant to be for this season. As Clinton Kelly and Stacy London have always said, “Dress the body you have, not the body you wish you had!”
SPEND TIME WITH Holy Spirit. Ask Him what HE says about you, then listen. I guarantee He will pour out in the most glorious, unexpected ways.
I know now what I should have said to my daughter, “No, my precious girl, there’s no baby in there, that’s Mama's beautiful belly.”
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