i guess pain is a part of life. in one passage of the Bible it says that suffering produces perseverance and stronger faith. while i belive that's true, i don't believe that God intended for us to have to suffer when he created us. some how when hard times come, God can turn them into good. i don't know how he does it, but he's sovereign, and i'll never understand that. he is good, i believe that. but, that doesn't mean we won't suffer. because people suffer. i suffer. i hurt. i ache. don't you? as i sat across from a friend last night, pouring out her wounded heart to me, my heart ached to see the tears in her eyes. my heart ached to hear about her wounds from the past, and her wounds being deepend right now. fear and sorrow gripped her. i felt helpless. i felt angry for her. we shared a bond. we have both suffered, and for that, we are connected to the soul. pain is unifying. pain is vulnerability. pain is being alone. pain sucks. but some how, some way, my Father can turn it into good. i know that to be true. it is true. but, if i had a choice, i would choose to never suffer again. only, i know it's not gonna happen that way. i feel like an 80 year old women sometimes. pain has aged me. but, it has also made me wiser. i am thankful that i am wiser. smarter. in a position to understand others who suffer. it gives me credit. but i am also guarded. protected. harder. my heart is wounded. my spirit broken. but i am strong. Christ in me. He is my strength. He is my healer, and friend, i know he will heal you, too.

Full of Joy

i received a delightful email this morning from one of my oh-so-loving brothers informing me that my blog is boring. (hhhmmm...based on the facts, can anyone guess which one?) to which i replied. "you ween." we have a very warm relationship. "you ween." means, "i love you! even though you ARE a ween." i was simply emailing people to inform them that my blog was up, not to entertain them with professional writings. so back off chump. don't mess with this. i love you ween!

i honestly don't know why i am still up. i am tired. my eyes are half closed, and my body aches. i have been rather nastalgic lately. i am a writer. i guess that makes me artsy. i have never thought of myself as artsy, but to me, my writing is an art. it's some thing my Father has given me a passion for. he designed me to feel things passionately. he created me to be dramatic and to be expressive. i am thankful that God formed me this way. perfect. beautiful. in his eyes i am. i love that. i love that i love to write. i love that he can use my writing to affect others. i am glad that when i write something ignites inside me. a fire that fills me with joy to my very core. he is smiling at me- his child, his creation, and he is glorified when i come alive doing the things he created me to do. it's a full circle moment. (says oprah!) i am fully alive when i write. hence the reason i am up so late rambling my heart to no one. but in the midst of my ramblings...He is smiling down on me. it's now almost 1 am and i have a very long day ahead of me. if anyone is out there...just know that i am falling more and more in love with my Father and Creator all the time. the more i get to know me, get to know my own heart, get to know the things that burn a fire in my soul, the more i get to know HIM and the giddier i get! i get to know HIM through getting to know ME because he has made me to be ME!