Exibit A

On The Road Again...

i just can't wait to get on the road again! something about friends...music with my friends. blah. blah. blah. you get the picture.

i took steps today people! i limped one feeble foot in front of the other. suddenly mean jokes from high school are haunting me again. "gimp" "gimpy"...that's what i became. but, i will rise above the potential remarks. i have no shame in moving about like a grandma. i actually feel quite sad for the elderly and disabled. this week, i am connecting with how they must feel. it's a sad realization.

today: one small step for me- one big step for....uhh...how does that go? mankind? i'm just praising the Lord for my small step.

Little Christs

where would i be right now if i didn't have so many little Christ's in my life? i am more then blessed- that is how i feel this fine evening. although my foot is hurting me terribly- even after 2 more vacadin, i can't walk, and i slightly feel like i'm gonna throw up- my heart is overflowing with warmth, love, and gratitude.

one of my dearest friends left work early yesterday, drove me to surgery, and literally heald my hand as i moaned and groaned through the tortures of novicane being injected agonizinlgy in my foot. and let me tell you- i wasn't just squeezing her hand- i was gripping it for all i am worth. pretty sure her fingers were purple in the end. she was amazing at talking to me, watching the surgery, but keeping a pure poker face on the whole time. she never made me feel like she was watching something that would totally freak me out!

not only did this rock solid supporting friend endure this with me- but she also shares an apartment with me and has had to live with me! she doesn't even bat an eye to get a bowl for me, fetch me some advil...and then MORE because why the heck isn't it working? or just sitting and listening to how much pain i am in. this friend and roommate is my dear little swznikki- or nicole, for those of you who don't know. swzy is a little Christ.

following my surgery, swzy had to coach, so i was left to the tv and the couch. not a bad place to be. i was instructed to keep my foot elevated and therefore was not able to make myself dinner last night. i was super hungry and at a loss as to what to do. although feeling bad, i decided to call another little Christ in my life- dan. dan jumped at the chance to bring me subway, and he and chuck so kindly delivered it to my door. not only that, but dan came back this morning to bring me my drugs! he stayed and talked with me while i changed my bandages (which turned out to be a little dramatic because there were a lot more incisions and stitches then i had anticipated!). it was so comforting to have a friend to talk with.

throughout the day, i had many other little Christs appear: voicemails, emails, facebook messages, blog notes, my manager working for me tomorrow, and offers to "call if i need anything!" not to mention that swzy drove out of her way to pick up crutches and panera for me!

mmmmm....blessed. i am beyond blessed. through this pain, through this pukey feeling, through the helpless feeling: Christ's body is showing up all over the place....i am surrounded by little Christs and i couldn't be more at peace.

thank you. thank you...

Kill the Pain

i love pain killers. i'll tell the whole story once i'm not so loopy.

i love your prayers. thank you.

It Hurtzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!

it hurtzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Totally Freaked!!

tomorrow is my foot "surgery". (monday, november 27: 2:30-3:30 pm) for those of you who are not aware, i have had 2 moles (like tiny, hardly knew they existed size freckles) removed off the bottom of my foot, and one with a piece tested. they found suspicious cells in two of them. i have to go back in tomorrow to have two areas cut more deeply into to remove all the suspects. i do not have cancer...but the cells are something that could turn into that, so they want them gone. this means deeper holes, and stitches. (in two areas) i already had something like this done and it's horribly painful! needless to say i'm terrified to go in again...knowing what lies ahead.

plus, i have been training for a half marathon, so this really holds up my training. (i'll have the stitches for 10 days, and the pain for who knows how long...)

please pray for me- i'm scared!!! thanks!!!

Really...It Happened!

so here i sit. i don't know what happened to me last night, but i'm feeling much better. on with the story!

as i reflect the evening, what sticks out the most is the moment swzy and i began to decorate our tree. home alone I was playing in the backgroud, which boog was glued to. i just felt the christmas cheer looming in our home. what joy! there's just something about hanging decorations on a tree. it's just a nastalgic, warming christmas tradition that i love.

we have quite an array of beautiful lights strung on our tree. we have golden gopher lights (not my first choice of christmas decor, guess who's they are!), purple lights, (thanks jess!), and dollar store lights to complete the picture. to top it off, we have an enormous bright star that also lights up.

after the tree was adorned, we sat down with warm, homemade apple pie, and continued watching home alone. (boog ate a toffee almond bar because she doesn't like "fruit" pie.) we had all the christmas lights on, and they were glowing warmly in the background. our sparkling pine tart was burning, so we could have the real smell of a pine tree. swzy decided we needed another candle lit, to which i responded, "isn't one candle enough?!" she lit it any way. what does goose know? it was placed under my favorite, tiny, sparkly gold lit tree that my mother gave me. i moved the candle out, because i didn't want the flames to burn my special tree.

we all settled in to continue out movie. out of nowhere, boog says, "something is really burning!" all of the sudden, i bolted of the couch screaming, "my tree!!" and burst over to my precious fake pine, and blew out the candle. it was too late. one of it's poor sweet branches was charred black and the burnt smell of plastic permeated the air. oh the sadnnes. my tree.

swzy looked at the burnt branch, shrugged, looked at me and said, "it gives it character..." and continued watching the movie as if nothing had happened. well i'll be. to which i repsonded, "it didn't NEED character!"

thus the story of the burnt christmas tree. good thing she made me dinner.

My Little Tree on Fire

this week owns two of the best nights that i have had in a long time. tonight being one of them.

i have had a wicked tiring week at work. don't mess with the MOA on black friday...just my advice from a professional standpoint. i am still exhausted from the hoards of people crowding our store. pretty sure we hit a fire hazzard, come to think of it. i literally didn't think i could survive another second on the floor at one point during a day, and was about to break down when all of the sudden i hear, "abby! go on your break." as i walked into the back room, i almost burst into tears- i was so tired, hungry, and overwhelmed with the thousands of customers barking their high-maintenance orders at me. i cried out to God for strength...and He came through. God lifted my spirits and gave me the strenght to plow through the rest of the day...and week, for that matter. so, i'm tired. spent. and ready for my day off tomorrow.

i love sat. nights. sat. nights and sundays are my weekend. i never work sundays, so i always have that peace. the peace of knowing i am honoring God with a day of a rest- a day He has given to me. sundays are a gift.

i always have a sense of freedom on sat. nights because i know i get to "sleep in" until 9 am or so. (an extra 4 hours!) tonight was one of those sat. nights. tonight was swzy and i's "home alone/decorating/eat a ham and homemade apple pie" night. we also invited boog to come. who knew she is such a scrooge? yup. she is. boogsie hates decorating for christmas. and she didn't. not one ornament did she hang! BUT, swzy and i had a blast deckin' our tree with lights...all sorts of crazy lights...and ornaments.

we also had a huge ham, scallopped potatos, glazed carrots, and homemade apple pie. dinner compliments of my totally domestic roommate! dessert...thank you very much...from me! the dinner was to die for. so delicious. it was such an amazing feeling to sit down to a home cooked, good old fashioned ham meal! thanks girl.

ok...i have more to write, but my stomach is KILLING me...so that's all for now. stay tuned.


i should be in bed. i should, at least, be getting ready for bed. normally this would be my routine, but tonight, i am hungry. i did not eat dinner because i was hanging out with a friend. (thanks for the talk, kevin. quite thought- provoking and fun all at the same time!) then, i stopped by to say hello to some more friends, and now i am finally home- but i'm starving! i had this piece of chicken "thawing" in the fridge for two days, so i HAD to cook it tonight or else it would be salmanilla tomorrow. i have a fear of getting food poisoning. i think it's because one of my best friend's had it once and it's wicked awful. so here i sit, "late at night" (mind you, it's 9:26 pm...that's late for me!) eating a piece of chicken. and it's good, i must say. a little olive oil, salt and pepper...and you have an amazing, nutritious dinner! (shout out to you tara for that advice!) so, a couple of minutes ago- i choked on a piece of this fine meal. for real. one minute i'm chewing the stinkin' chicken, the next minute, it's lodged in my throat. it's a scary feeling. i'm home alone (swzy...thanks for the help!) and i was choking all by myself. actually, it's kindof embarrassing because i hacked it up and it sounded disgusting. thankfully, i'm breathing again. God's design of the body is amazing. he created me with a gagging reflex so that i could gag up my chicken stuck in my throat...so that i would not choke! bet ya didn't think this blog was heading in this direction now did ya?! next time you choke, be in awe of our Creator...i know i am.
watch out for that turkey. i hear it can be brutal!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What are YOU thankful for?


does anyone know why my blog no longer accepts comments? email me if you can help. this is super annoying.

Helping Those in Need!

at my Starbucks, we are collecting coats (used- in good condition, or new) to give to people in need. we all know how terribly freezing it gets in this city, but imagine not having a coat to wear!

if you would like to help someone who needs a coat- just let me know. i would love to collect coats from people outside of work, and be able to give extra! most people own more then one coat...maybe you could give a coat that's not old, but even one that you still wear. or, go out and buy a new coat for someone. pray about it, think about it...i just want to be an outlet for anyone who would like to help!

once we collect "enough" coats, some of us from work are going to go and hand them out. i can't wait!

i will probably announce this on sunday morning, and sunday night at the peterson's (ok, jamie?!)- you could even bring a coat during one of those times. i will be collecting for the next few weeks, though.


New Tunes

i love music. i play music constantly. while i'm getting ready, in the car, when i'm running, while i'm practicing drums, at work (i change the music all day long so i can listen to what i like!), etc. i thought i'd share with you two new finds, and a new album...all of which i LOVE.

1. AG Silver- Wake Up and Smell Reality
i first heard about this band because i met the drummer. he's actually holly's cousin, but not my cousin. although, i think i can say he's my friend. the sound is unique and they rock!

2. Brandon Heath- Don't Get Comfortable
he opened for bebo norman. i LOVED him live, and his cd is amazing as well. he's definately a writer, and the lyrics are powerful.

3. Jeremy Camp- Beyond Measure
what can i say? we all know this guy is a powerhouse. his passion explodes from every song. awesome.

Wake Up and Smell Reality

“Wake up and smell reality, it’s not all you thought that it should be.” I have been listening to this band, AG Silver, a lot in the past few weeks, and this song sings loud and true to me right now. Reality is death. How ironic is that? The irony being, something that is real in our world is death. Death is real. Death is reality. This seems like an oxymoron to me. How can death be real, when something real is something alive? I am trying desperately to grasp the reality of death, and the truth that reality is certainly not what I thought it should be.
I spent the last couple days tasting grief. The grief in IA is so thick; I ate it at every turn. It’s so horrifically painful to watch the reality of grief. On Saturday night, I went to a party at Jeff’s house. His family was having a huge bonfire, and they wanted my family to come. I was touched that they would want me to be there. As soon as I arrived, there sat my aunt, uncle, and cousin who just lost their daughter and sister. They sat intermingled with Jeff’s parents, and friends. The entire circle around the fire was a group of people aching from the inside out. Not to mention a little black lab puppy running around…Holly’s very own “baby” who no longer had her “mommy”.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, I went over into the garage, to find Jeff playing ping-pong with his best friend. Seeing Jeff’s wedding band on his finger made me want to vomit. Holly placed that brand new wedding band on his finger but only 6 short months ago. I could feel Holly’s absence as strongly as if her absence was a tangible object. I wanted to cry all the time. How are these family members surviving each day?
How do they go to the bowling alley week after week, with Holly’s name still up on the score sheet, and her name still proudly displayed on the board with a high score? How do they go to church week after week without her? How do they sit through the service, when weeks ago Holly’s casket adorned the front of the room? How do they lay in their beds at night with the sadness, agony, and her loss dwelling so painfully in their hearts, minds, and souls? How do they go out to lunch without her, everyone knowing full well that Holly is missing, but if feels like she will walk in at any second? How does my aunt get out of bed every morning with her best friend, and only daughter gone, knowing that all the other mothers at work will receive phone calls from their daughters, but she won’t any more? How does Jeff go on living, when his life and all his love were wrapped up in his precious wife, who no longer remains on earth? How does Eric go to school and concentrate when his only sister has been tragically killed? How does Uncle Tim work day after day carrying the burden of his only daughter being gone, along with his hurting family?
It’s true. Reality is, we do not mourn like those who have no hope. We have full hope and assurance that Holly is with our God. We rest in that peace and I know some people do not have that. Holly did. Holly knew God, and now she dwells with him. But, the rest of us? We mourn, we weep, we wail, we cry for our loss. We ache for our Holly.
Today I said good-bye to my mother and grandmother. Both of who are experiencing enormous amounts of pain. I drove away from a sobbing mother, and into the cemetery where my precious cousin’s body lay. Her grave was decorated so nicely with fall flowers- orange, red, yellow, and green. I stood there staring at them, knowing it was my aunt who placed them there so delicately. I sank to my knees and cried. Cried for her loss. Cried for Jeff’s loss. Cried for Uncle Tim and Eric’s loss. Cried for Holly’s remaining grandparents. Cried for her remaining family and friends. My tears dropped into the dirt of my cousin’s grave today. My tears along with so many others. That is the reality that I smelled today.


today has been a day of disappointments. little things that i have gotten my little balloon of hope filled up with, then POP. someone or something sticks that nasty needle right into the center and the air of hope fizzles right out of me. i feel like one of those nasty, slimy, withered, discolored, gross pieces of a balloon that has gotten popped and zings around the room until it splats on the dirty floor below. and then it picks up all the dirt and lint that has been sitting around which finally has a slimy piece of balloon to latch onto. that's me tonight. a slimy, deflated, chunk of balloon.

Suspicious Cells!

suspicious cells my foot! literally.

several weeks ago i had 5 moles removed- three from the bottom of my foot. don't for a second think that this was just a "minor, no big deal" procedure. HECK NO. it was the worst surgery i have ever had. (and i have had A LOT, including ACL reconstruction which is horribly painful) my doctor stuck the tender, delicate muscles of my ARCH along with the ball of my foot FOUR times with novicane. i was shivering, shaking, sweating, and fighting the tears like crazy. i squeezed that nurses hand so hard i'm sure she has bruises. then when it was all said and done...i ended up limping around for a week because of the pain. but, i left that day feeling relieved that it was over and i'd never have to go through that again. never did i think i'd really have to go in because i had cancer or anything else.

this leads me to today. i was called back into the skin doctor's office to discuss my situation. the good news is...i don't have cancer! praise the Lord. BUT, and there's always a but in situations like this. (let me just interject here. when i told my father this story he replied by saying, "i thought we were talking about your foot, not your butt. " he thought he was halarious. :) BUT, i do have "suspicious cells" that the pathologist is concerned about. my doctor says i have to get these invisible cells removed by slicing two more holes in my foot and cutting out the possible areas where the creepy cells are inhabiting my foot. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! i have to go through this all over again, only this time it will be worse because i have to get stitches. picturing going through that agony and horror again just about makes me vomit from fear. they say it's one of the worst places to have to get novicane because there's no fat. sheesh. for ONCE in my life i wish a part of my body WAS fat.

my dad did tell me some comforting things after the butt comment. certain things about his heart surgery were supposed to be dreadfully painful and he's positive God protected him from some of that pain. our God is a God who can work WONDERS even when it comes to the horror of going under the knife.

i have yet to schedule my appointment. i told my doctor i need to gear up for this.


ok people. enough is enough. what is WITH all the tyra bashing? i learned some very crucial things from her this week. important life tips, in fact.


#10: wiggle your mascara- it creates the illusion of eyeliner
#9: zig-zag your part/wear your hair curly when you have bad roots
#8: use a pea or lima bean size of face cleanser
#7: clean your cuticles with olive oil- do not cut them, this allows bacteria
#6: do not use shower puffs- they store bacteria
#5: rogain for men can be used to bring back over-plucked brows
#4: pony tails should be worn high or low- never in the middle
#3: if wearing a fake pony tail- cut it into layers so it appears like real hair
#2: if you're gonna wear bling- only wear one item of bling

and #1 is:


see? now where would i be if i hadn't learned these things?!

The Goose Flies Again!

i'm alive! oh, it feels good to be alive! for those of you who have been wondering...i did, actually, drop off the face of the planet for like a week and a half. i went to misery land. the land of viruses that turned into infections that stripped me of my voice, stuffed my head and nose, scratched my throat raw, and made me hack like i've never hacked before. a very sweet and kind friend of mine (you'll never guess who!) so gently started calling me "Goose" during this extremely hazardous time. so, i'm back with a vengence proclaiming THE GOOSE FLIES AGAIN! i will not be kept down. thanks to my healing God and the magical little drugs that i am on. ah.....i love them.

Look out world...i am ready to live again. bahhhhhhhhhh haha!

so here's my very first, very own TOP TEN LIST OF DAYTIME TV. (and a little night entertainment thrown in there as well)

#10: The News (with Denis Dota and Jeanette Trumpitor, thank you very much)
#9: The View
#8: Regis and Kelly
#7: Tyra (2 times a day!)
#6: Rachel Rae
#5: Little House on the Prairie
#4: The Bachelor
#3: Dr. Phil
#2: The King of Queens (my new FAV! i am following in your footsteps, mark and tara!)
#1: Oprah!

i'm telling you...i could stay home and watch TV for the rest of my life and be the happiest lark in the park. i don't know how anyone can get bored staying home. I LOVE IT!!!!

thanks to all my helpers: for the soup, movies, calls, emails, and LOVE. i needed it.