MORE than

they (who is "they" anyways?) say a picture speaks more then a thousand words.
i say a gift speaks more then a thousand words as well.
but, it is also true that words do speak for themselves.

what happeneds when all three are received at the same time? for me, a bursting heart. a heart so touched, and so awed, and so humbled it just wants to hide.

i was given such a gift the other night by my church community. a REAL book (not a scrapbook) was made just for me. it has pictures, and a sort-of letter written to me that i get to treasure forever now. i was quite caught off guard, and was speechless as i was presented such a jewel. i sqeaked out an awkward "thank you..." and wished for some deep, profound words that i could grace the people with. instead i sat there starring at my very own book, running my fingers softly over the glazed cover. awestruck. the book contained priceless memories from one of the most special nights i was blessed to be a part of.

what is more: the gift to me means LOVE. love for me. we all hear, accept, and feel love in different ways. i heard love in my language loud and clear that night. and i hear it and feel it every time i gently, tenderly flip through the pages of my very own book.

how can you thank a group of people for loving you that much?

My Non-Double Blog

hey all! my first post for consumed is published right now! you can read it at:

scroll down a bit, and you can click on "click here for our main blog!"

then you will find my's called "blood" worries! it has nothing to do with halloween. ICK.

Pass the Cheer!!

it's about 6:20 am. it's dark. it's chilli. i am bustling my way down several flights of outdoor stairs to get to the door of the MOA that i am allowed to enter with my badge. with my sweatshirt pulled tightly around me i walk as briskly as possible to make it to my store a few minutes before scheduled. i rush past the guard (who actually was MIA this morning!) and down the long corridor to get to the escalator. my mind is in a fog, my typical morning state.

but, something manages to catch my eye this morning. i slowly lift my head...and what do i see but thousands of twinkling, sparkling, tiny, bright white christmas lights! hundreds of strands hung from the highest point in the ceiling- three stories up. my heart danced inside me. it was warmed to the very depths. i jogged up the escalator to get to my floor, and stood on the balcony gazing all around me- surrounded by the beautiful, cheery, warm, sparkly, twinkly lights. i looked as high as the lights went, and then leaned down to see below me where the strands was just me, the stillness of the quiet early morning mall and the warm little christmas lights. every year i revel in the MOA twinkly lights. it's probably my favorite part of the MOA at christmas, and it's here!

pass the cheer is here, too! we got our first shipment of christmas stuff at starbucks! christmas bags, christmas short cups, christmas sleeves...i was skipping all around the back room today- full of excitment that it's here! the red cups, the peppermint mochas, the red trays, the green and blue's only just beginning! holiday phase I officially starts in just 16 days! november 8 is the big day! i can hardly wait!

i am already relishing in christmas cheer. i roamed the christmas aisles at walmart today- soaking in all the warmth and happiness that only the christmas season can bring. the lights were up there, too- again, making my heart soar! i bought christmas cards, and a special little decoration for our apartment.... ;)

christmas only comes once a year- and it's here! it's here! pass the cheer is HERE!

Not Again...

it's true. it is now 12:30am, and i can't sleep. again. i haven't even tried to get into bed yet- i just know. i know the feeling of when i won't be able to sleep. i do NOT want to crawl in my covers- toss and turn, roll around, mess up the nice, tight sheets, and get all tangled. so, here i sit. i have read everyone's blog on my list- and even connected to other's blogs on other's lists. still. no sleep has come. i know the drill. in a little bit, i'll probably take my trusty tylenol pm. (thanks kristi! and don't worry people- jeff doesn't read my blogs!)

the funny thing is, tonight i kinda know why i can't sleep. do you ever just NOT want to be left alone with your thoughts? with things that are going on? the silence just drives me CRAZY. i have been walking around, and at any minute if there's a chance for silence, i shove my ipod in my ears. i can't take it. i don't want to think. i don't want to know. i just can't take it!

don't worry people- i'm not moving, i'm not going anywhere, i'm not's just a weird phase, and i am sure it'll pass. it always does...sometimes my heart just feels things that it doesn't want to feel. sometimes it feels things that it tries so hard NOT to. sometimes, there is just nothing i can do but BE. and sometimes, i really hate BEing.

i know i am being so "emo" right now...but if you're not making sense of this: good, but take notes because someday you will get it. if you are, we should be friends...

Double Blogger Nazi

i have been inspired twice lately to blog. the thing is, i have also committed to writing a blog for consumed once a month. this makes me feel like anytime i am inspired (not counting the quirky, weird kind of blogs) i need to submit it to consumed. thus, my own personal blog is lacking. i was instructed that i am not allowed to "double-blog". i will inform you, my faithful readers, when my blogs are posted by consumed- so you can read them over there.

stayed tuned: maybe some weird, quirky thing will happen to me today that i will be allowed to write about.... :)

Night Owl

i've been rediscovering my inner night owl. for the past two years, i have made a valiant effort to turn myself into a morning person. i've gotten up at 5am for many, many months now. i prefer opening at my store because i love getting work out of the way for the day. i do not hate my job, but i hate going to work. (this would mean ANY job that i have to do. don't mistake that to mean i don't like hard work. i was raised to value hard work, and to be hard working. it's just of my beliefs that a career is not the kind of hard work i want to be doing...) anyways....

most recently i have been scheduled to close my store for the whole weekend. half my week is spent getting up at 5am, and half my week is spent staying up til 5am. (not really that late, but you get the picture.) when i close, i get home around 11:15pm or so. i am wired at that point. i just spent the entire afternoon, and night at work: cleaning, dealing with customers, teaching other partners how to close, stressing about if everything is getting done on time, getting the money all accounted for, and the list goes the time i get home, my legs and back ache, and my mind is just reeling. thus, i hang out until like 2am. i watch a movie, eat, chill with swz, watch re-runs online, talk to friends, get caught up on email, etc. i love that late night stuff. i am a natural born night owl! i always have been. then, i get to sleep until 10 or 11am the next day, because i don't work until after 2pm. it's an amazing thing to sleep until whenever i want- with no alarm clock freakin' out at me. night time is fun! morning time is not.

it's just another reminder that i am not a morning person! i don't talk, i can't function, i am angry inside that people are talking to me and happy-go-lucky. who the heck is happy first thing in the morning?! ish. at work, i do a decent job pretending to be friendly in the morning. in life, i don't even bother to pretend. in the morning. what you see is what you get.

don't get me wrong, i still prefer opening my store everyday of the week- but since i have to close, too....well it's brought me back to my inner owl, and i kinda like it.

An Attempt at My Heart...

My heart? What is my heart saying right now?

My heart wants to express my deepest gratitude to all of you who prayed for the AG Silver/Cornerstone Benefit Concert last night. All day long, I received precious texts, voicemails, emails, cards, facebook posts, and encouraging notes everywhere I turned. Thank you. God was HUGE yesterday. HUGE. He and I had some powerful moments, and I’m thankful we actually had quite a bit of time to ourselves.

I know a lot of you were praying about my car situation. It’s a crazy story- but LONG story short, I asked for prayer for it to be fixed by 4pm central time. Right after sending out that email, I got down on my knees, asked God for my car back and left it in His hands. I got my car back at 2:45 pm AND got a nice, unexpected mile run in! Later that day, I ended up driving a friend around who really needed to get some things taken care of, so God had more in mind for getting it fixed then even I could know! Thank you for praying…thank you.

I keep thinking back on so many things that took place yesterday, and last night. It makes me wonder if this is what planning a wedding is like. So many people come together, work so hard, lose sleep, stop eating, get excited, get worried, pray, hope, dream….all leading up to one event. Then, in the blink of an eye it’s all done, and I can’t for the life of me believe it’s over!

So, my heart of hearts wants to express that YES and AMEN the night was glorious! The night was absolutely precious, and it was beautiful. Many people coming together for the soul purpose of loving God and loving people and using their unique abilities in such a vast array of ways. The night was full of color, character, emotion, art, soul, wholeness, love, and God. Part of me can’t sit still because I am so happy at such a beautiful event, and another part of me wants to weep for all that God has brought my community through.

Vague? Maybe my words seem vague- but I think it’s because my heart does not possess the capabilities to put into words what I experienced in real life last night.

I just want to thank you, and say how grateful- how desperately grateful I am for The Body of Christ.

My biggest prayer throughout all of this was that GOD WOULD BE GLORIFIED. Mostly I am in awe, because as my heart reflects on the night, I see that yes, truly yes, my God glorified Himself in ways I never could have imagined…

AG Silver/Cornerstone Benefit Concert

whew! i can't believe i just said, "whew!" i have reached a new level of nervousness/excitement about the upcoming concert. it is only a mere 3 nights away. (i like to think in terms of how many nights of sleep i have until the said occasion)

tonight at church we had a long discussion about roles that need to be taken care of for this event. as details were discussed, i was sitting there getting nervous. my stomach suddenly had a big, tight knot in it. i looked over at swz and said, "oh my word. i'm getting sick all of the sudden..." she looked me straight in the eye and said, "look at all these people taking care of stuff! you're not doing this's gonna be awesome!" boom. that's my friend and roommate in a nutshell. ever supportive, ever strong, ever encouraging. (don't ever let her fool you otherwise!)

then we all split up into groups and prayed for this special, SPECIAL night that is about to come forth. powerful night. EXCITING night. i feel like a pregnant woman about to give birth to a child. not to be creepy or anything...but i have watched the creation of this night take place starting months and months ago, really. i can hardly believe it's about to take place in just a couple days. amazing. truly amazing.

God has used my church to surround around this dream, pick it up, make it their own, and carry it out to reality. WOW. what more can i say? i am truly, utterly, outstandingly blessed.

please come. if you're reading this and live anywhere near bloomington, please come! it's going to be an awesome night- and we want to give to cornerstone all that we possibly can. if you live further away- please pray that people come like CRAZY. crazy amounts of people!

God- may YOU be glorified. thank you for this night. thank you....
AG Silver/Cornerstone Benefit Concert
Wednesday Night, October 17
7 pm
Northwestern Health Sciences University (chiropractic college in bloomington- on the corner of penn and 84th )


sometimes i sit at my computer and really have the desire to write a blog- but nothing happens. i type up a couple different paragraphs, then erase them all. tonight- all the things on my mind are more secret things, i guess. i don't often think about my blog audience, i just write what's there. but at certain times- i have to filter. normally this would be the type of paragraph that i would delete. not tonight. this is getting published.
i'm not that tired. i could probably fall asleep, but for secret reasons, it will be an unrestful night. i think i'll watch the last episode of season 3. i've been saving it for a special occasion.


i never slept last night. not for one measley second. it was pure misery. after several hours of tossing and turning and putting on the covers and throwing off the covers, i started to freak out. horrors.

i finished a book. i visited the bathroom a couple times. i tied a bandana around my eyes to keep out any form of light. i prayed. i quoted scripture. i renounced the enemy, who i was convinced was attacking me. finally, at about 3:30 am, i began to sob and sob and sob.

i miss my family so much it just hurts. homesickness is a heart-wrenching disease. after about 45 minutes of tears, i felt a little more calm. thought maybe i'd get an hour of sleep. nope. turns out, i got up and got ready really slowly. i even put curlers in my hair to take up more time.

i don't know WHY i couldn't sleep. i thought about a lot of things during those six hours of a restless night. i wasn't particularly worried, just have a lot on my mind, i guess. nothing to lose an ENTIRE night's sleep over. but, i did. for whatever reason.

so- i am a zombie right now. i am trying really hard not to nap. i want to go to bed and SLEEP through the night tonight. if you're reading this: please pray for a full night's sleep for me!

i have a new found sympathy for insomniacs. i was pretty close to going mental last night...they say you'll die of a lack of sleep before you'll die of a lack of food...i belive it.

AG Silver Live!

I am sitting here in my living room, drinking my third cup of Pike’s Place Blend, (for those of you who don’t know- you can only buy PP in Seattle, at the very first Starbucks! A good friend got it for me on her last visit there.) keeping cozy on this dreary day. There have been loads of things going on in my life, but I am narrowing it down to only one to share with you today!
God created this dream in my heart several months ago- one that, at the beginning, I really didn’t think would ever pan out. But what an amazing, creative, powerful, and glorious God I know! He has brought this dream to an actual reality and it is about to take place a week from tomorrow.
You see, I have a friend who plays in a band (the drummer- for those of you know my freak passion for the drums!). AG Silver was looking for venues as they were starting their tour. Friends and I saw them in concert several months ago, loved them, and so I thought it would be amazing to have them come to the ever-cool Twin Cities! Then I started thinking, if they came, I would want all the proceeds to go towards people in need. This was my dream, in a tiny nutshell, and long story short: AG Silver is coming, Lisa (Corby) Beavers is opening for them, all the proceeds are going to an abused women/children’s shelter (Cornerstone), and God used my church to rally around this dream to make it happen!
The concert is Wednesday, October 17th at 7pm. I know you guys can’t come, being that you’re all over the country, and most of you nowhere near MN, but I would love it if you could pray for this event! My prayer is that God would be glorified in a HUGE way! I want people that come to see HIM, HIS love, and HIS light in all of us there. Pray that tons of people come!
If you would like to contribute, you could still buy a ticket for $5 (even though you can’t come!), as all the proceeds will go to specific security needs that Cornerstone has. What fearful lives those women must live. I can’t even imagine. Tickets can be purchased at:
Anyway, I am super stoked about how God has brought all of this about in such an amazing way. Excitement reigns in my heart. How overwhelming that God has designed us all in such unique ways that He uses all kinds of situations to bring glory to Himself! I’m just along for the ride, and get to be blessed in the process. What joy!
I’m so looking forward to sharing with you how amazing the night was!


i survived my first close in like a year. i'm already thinking of things i forgot. overall i think it went well. i'll find out when i arrive back there in the morning. the best part was, the night went by really fast! it's a scary thing this closing business. i was literally sick to my stomach and shaky b'c i had not closed in so long. it was quite weird. i've been there for almost 4 years and used to constantly close.

i have concluded it was change that got me uptight. change is never easy for me. but i am embracing change in so many ways in my life. people may not be able to see, but there's a part of me that's a whole new me.

i missed my regular customers tonight. my morning friends were long gone by the time i got in. sad.

i'm real tired, but wired.



i don't know if i'm completely out of my rut, but i am certainly getting there. i really do not know what my "deal" is. i spent the day trying not to waste it by being down. i woke up early (5:38 am, what can i say- it's such a routine now!) and never had a restful sleep, so i got up sometime after 9 am. i tried reading my Bible, praying, journaling, etc. but ended up just feeling BLAH and i fell asleep again. i felt weird all day- like i couldn't shake this sadness in me, and it made me very sleepy and wanting to sleep. i won't give you every detail of my day, but it was sunny and warm and beautiful- and i so desperately wanted to feel like that inside.

i sensed God leading me to go to this prayer night, so i went. i thought i was going to know one other person, so i was a bit nervous showing up. when i got there- my very own friend and her girls were standing at the door! i was so surprised. then, i found out more of my friends were there, too. it ended up being a great night of prayer for area colleges.

what struck me the most was this. a kid that i have never met, never even seen before stood up and actually announced the Cornerstone/AG Silver benefit concert. for those of you who don't know- it's something that God has given me a passion for, and it's something that He's been bringing together for the past couple of months. the concert is very near and dear to my heart- and my church has being working hard at getting the word out about it. hearing a perfect stranger talking about it just made my heart soar! God is working! i have been praying that the concert would bring glory to HIM and it already has.

i had this vision/dream while i was praying tonight, too. don't freak out people- i'm not being hoaky, i just mean an idea struck me! it's something that involves starbucks, and that maybe i can influence "partners" for the Kingdom- we'll see.

the night ended with a friend taking some of us out for appetizers, which meant so much to me.

God knows. He knows i was having a lonely, sad day- and He lead me to a powerful place with people that i love. that's intimacy right there. that's my God. :)