and there they are! my beautiful bff and her brand new baby boy! (oh- and garrett, the wonderful husband! :) don't ask how i got this picture up: i told you, i'm just really smart! ;)

Only Me

here is a beautiful picture of katie, garrett, and garrett james, jr. it would have been THEE perfect way to top off my last few posts- this beautiful picture. but, no. it won't work. this is what happends when i try to upload it. i am posting it to prove my point.

these sordof things happen to me. i do not understand why. i consider myself an intelligent person, yet things are always happening to me that make me look like an idiot. i'll be working really hard at trying to figure some thing out, can't get it, and some one else comes along and BANG. they solve the problem in 2.5 seconds. why me?!

i stand making copies at the holiday store. i need 30 copies total. the stupid thing runs out of paper. i get the manager, he adds paper. fine. we're back on track. 30 seconds later it tells me i am "using the wrong size paper". excuse me? i'm just standing there. mr. manager comes back over again, shoves me out of the way- clearly annoyed, opens the thing, and it instantly works for him. NOT me. i had done that SAME thing.

for weeks i thought my ipod did not fit into the ipod stand thingy in my car. i go to show my friend how it does not, in fact fit, and BAM. it instanlty, all of the sudden, decides it fits perfectly now. what the heck?!

i email a friend an attachment that they needed- clearly following the instructions i was given. it does not work. i try again. said friend goes behind my back, assuming i don't know what i'm doing, when in fact i did exactly as i was told, and has a different friend email them that same attachment FOR me. i'm so sure.

i am told to sign-up for a certain project online. i click on the link 50 billion times- it tells me that website does not exist. i am told i am the ONLY person who was not able to access this link. i am told to try again, which i do, and it does not, in fact, work again. i have to have my own personal "special meeting" to set up the stupid thing. why me?

i attempt to watch a dvd 19 times in a row, and no sound will come from the dumb movie. my friend comes home, turns it on, and oh! what do we get? sound!

i have billions of pictures saved in some random file on my computer that i could never access. these pictures have been hiding for months and months. another friend comes along, tells me to click twice, and all of the sudden, there are my pictures. are you serious right now?!

i bought washer fluid to put into my car because it's not working. my window is dirty, and i can't see. i'm assuming it's because it's empty, even though no light is flashing. i go to intelligently open the hood myself. i pull the inside lever. i go outside (in the negative 70 degree weather, getting my face frozen off) the car, put my finger in the gap to click the next lever, and it WILL NOT be found. i get back into the car, read the manuel, it tells me the same thing i was doing. i get back out of the car, reach my fingers in again, still freezing my face off, and nothing. NOTHING. i get super annoyed, throw the dumb fluid junk back into my car, and storm inside. i GUARANTEE some one else will come along, do EXACLTLY as i did, and be able to open the dang hood.

i tell you. it's not fair. i am smart. i am intelligent.

why me?


the BABY is here! :)


my kate is in labor right now! i still have this overwhelming sense that i should be there. it's taking every thing in me not to get in my car, or fly home right this instant. (forget the fact i have zero dollars to do this!) sigh.

i keep calling and checking in with garrett (the husband), but it doesn't quite feel like enough. i want to BE THERE. last time i called, garrett told me the baby was born, and 30 pounds. haha! men. he's so sweet- said i can call as much as i want, and any time i want. love that kid.

by the time i get home from work, i could be an "aunt"! YEAH! that makes me so happy!!


meet katie. katie-girl, kate, girl, puuuuuurple, or BFF as i affectionately call her. sigh. i miss her tonight. not just tonight, my heart misses her a lot. we became best friends when i was around 16, and she was 17. no matter how old we were, our excuse for any thing naughty that we did was that we were "only gonna be 16 and 17 once" or whatever age we were- the formula always applied.
katie and i bonded rather quickly once we met- our boyfriends were friends. we dumped them, and have been bff's ever since! we were like one in high school. if ever one of us went somewhere without the other, people got really confused. we schemed. we gamed. we laughed. we got boys to buy us things. we lived life to the FULL. we had countless sleepovers, skipped school, stole off private property, went dancing, and were the queens of downing a full pizza at one time. oh how we lived! fun was always part of our vocabulary. we even had our own voice that we used. it was called the "purple voice". no one understood us, but we understood us and that's all that mattered.

we dreamed. we prayed. we learned about God. we grew spiritually. emotionally. physically. we shared our hearts. our fears. we carried each other's pains. we carried each other's dreams. we planned our lives out- together of course. always together.

well, katie is about to give birth to her first child. she's being induced tomorrow night, and little baby swartz will be in our lives shortly (hopefully!) thereafter. we talked for over 2 hours tonight. about life. about each other. about the baby. about our memories. and we laughed. oh how we laughed!

i feel a sense of sadness and a hint of guilt at having not been able to even see her pregnant. i didn't get to plan her baby shower, or even attend. i wanted to sit next to her, writing down all that she got, and who gave each gift to her. i missed out on that stuff, and it just makes my heart hurt. my best friend is bearing a child and i can't be there for her.

i'm excited for her, but i also feel so weird. i am longing to be home, and to be with her. soon- and very soon- i will be there. but for now, i am lost in my thoughts of her, of us, and of her new baby arriving.

i love you kate. i'm so proud of you, and we shall be together soon...

p.s. stay away from the snapple now that you're gonna be a mother! :)

Yes, I Do Rock

in response to my roommate, and so-called "friend's" harsh, and completely inaccurate account of my latest guitar hero accomplishment, i have no choice but to defend my case.

i'll admit, playing a video game is definately not typical, abby-fashion entertainment. i've been known to roll my eyes at my little (bigger!) brother a time or two as he obsessively poured over his own guitar hero endeavor. i've been known to yawn and maybe mock the boys at work a little as they talked for hours about this particular topic. but let me tell you, my friends, i stand shamefully mistaken.

a mere week and 2 days ago, guitar hero I, II, and III came into my very own possession. (swz attempted once, but let's just say...we'll leave the rocking to me.) it was love at first strum. i played the easy songs, eventually beat the first battle, quickly moved up to medium and got stuck for days at my second encounter with tom.

he mocked me. he toyed with me. he played games with me. he beat me down time after time after time. again and again i practiced those notes. i went to guitar hero school. i beckoned my friends for help. i toiled. i labored. i poured my sweat onto those keys. i was seconds away from quitting guitar hero for life. and that's when it happened.

i silently turned back on the PS2 (i had previously shut it off after having battled and lost for the millionth time) for one last attempt. it was gonna make me or break me. "if i lose one more time," i said to myself, "i will be done with guitar hero forever."

and so the battle began. again. i fought, and i played, and i which the screen loudly proclaimed to me, indeed, i did truly ROCK! and so, that is when the said guitar was placed beside me and absolutely, i ran down the hallway, triumphantly flailing my arms, screaming at the top of my lungs "YES! YES! YES! I ROCK!" all in the name of my own blood, sweat, and tears. victory had become me!

you would have been moved to tears, too.


i haven't updated my blog about tricia because her husband, nate, does such a fantastic job. i added his link to my sidebar. thanks to all of you who have asked me about her, prayed for her, and who check nate's blog on your own. she is fully awake now, and has been able to watch the video of her baby for the first time. pretty powerful stuff.

The Body never ceases to amaze me...

lightning bugs

there are just those certain moments in life that are like little, light-shining lightning bugs that you wish you could catch, put in a jar and save forever.

wow... God is in the business of doing miracles...

More Tricia

i can't stop thinking about her. my heart just aches. i read her husband's blog for updates, but i am left feeling helpless, and wanting to know more. i want to cry. i want to write her letters. i want to express that i remember her as a beautiful friend. i want her to know that i think of her. it's so amazing to me that a childhood friend could evoke such strong feelings and emotions- even almost 20 years later.

i remember tricia used to LOVE hermit crabs. she has several as pets. i remember we used to play heart family dolls in her room. i remember she used to take a ridiculous amount of pills- and she sometimes ate them broken up in her apple sauce. her parents would pound on her back several times a day- i would watch, and we'd just keep talking and laughing like it was the most normal thing in the world. she would also have to keep this tube thing in her mouth several times a day- and steam would be pouring out the other end. i was well aware that she had a disease, but it never mattered. she was one of my best friends.

one time my mom told me that tricia might not live- and i still remember the panic and pain i felt as a small child. we used to visit her at the children's hospital in philly. tricia would always be laughing and smiling, no matter what. my dad would then take me to mcdonalds down stairs.

i remember her so well- but years have passed, and now she's fighting for her life in a hospital in NC. her tiny 1 lb baby is fighting for her life as well.

it's a story that is bringing me to my knees. i know tricia believes in God's perfect plan for her life. she inspires me.

all my love to you, tricia.


from KG through third grade, one of my very best friend's names was tricia kirschner. (she is now lawrenson upon getting married!) she had cystic fibrosis, and as a kid, i didn't realize the extent of her health issues. i used to visit her in the hospital, but she was always happy and smiling! anyway, i have just recently heard that she gave birth to a baby girl, gwenyth, quite prematurely, and it will be a miracle for both mom and baby to survive. my heart aches for my childhood best friend. i am asking that you please pray for her and for her baby right now! tricia was/is in the process of having a double lung trasplant. for more information, you can check out her husband's blog:

please pray. and thank you.


i find myself with still too much to say, and not enough words to say it with. i feel it is important to at least let you know this. there is so much on my mind! there are a lot of new things that i am thinking about, feeling, wondering about, living with, wrestling through...mostly, i just want to LIVE. really, truly LIVE. i want to be the best version of ME that i can possibly be. the woman God so designed me to be.

i have a plan to help me LIVE...and am excited to get started on it. it's a little more personal, saved for my own journal. i have been journaling more then blogging lately. it's been a good outlet for me. it's been needed. sometimes it's better that the world doesn't know EVERY little detail about my soul...