My First Love

i drove downtown today, which is always an amazing experience. i feel like such a cool person once i hit the bend that splits off to 62, and 35W continues. the skyline appears like beacons shining in the night. i guess in the day time, they're like...well, just a really cool city.

anyway, my first new class started this afternoon. i got a great parking spot (i was nervous about that!), ordered my 12 oz. almond, rice milk, latte at the cute little cafe, and proceeded up the spiral staircase only to be greeted with a friendly smile and diretions on where my classroom was.

once again, looking out the window was a clear view of the cool city buildings, and it was snowy. what a perfect day for a class. and not just any class, but- Beginning Creative Non-Fiction. i sat there soaking it all in, starstruck the whole time. (the "star" being writing)

i fell in love with writing all over again. i was re-introduced to my first love- writing. i have adored writing since i was a little child. i guess since i learned to write.

what struck me the most was hearing the other class members share. so many people shared that they had always wanted to write, but chose a different career so they could make money. now, some of them are retired- and are "finally" getting back to what they love- writing. i'm so glad i don't have to say that about my life. i love writing now, and i am writing now.

when i shared, i sat there are all starry-eyed and said, (almost with a sigh) "i love to write. God has created me with a passion to write...and, well, that's why i'm here..." (insert goofy grin) yeah, i'm in love.

Dr. Beat

i got my Dr. Beat 30 Metronome in the mail today. sigh. be still my heart- it's love at first sight.

for those of you who are thoroughly confused, the DB-30 is a nifty little device that keeps count for me when i play the drums. it helps with the timing- i can use it in my apartment with my practice pad, or plug it into headphones and practice with the real drums (thanks to chuck!). basically it is going to make me a better dummer. it's just a step along the yellow brick road (right tara?!) until i reach my oz of drumming = actually playing a worship song! i can't wait...

until then: 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 1 and....

The Concert

the best part of the night!


i am going to the Justin concert. wow. enough said.

Full Moon, or what?

i have encountered so many cranky people today. it's been VERY strange! i was having a cranky day, personally. everything was getting on my nerves. then, two other people at work were feeling the same way. after that, i called a friend, who in turn told me she was having a cranky day, which never happens. i had a different friend call off work for "mental health", and another friend cancel on me for the night. i got home to an email requesting prayer for crankiness from yet another friend. what a strange, strange day. why the crankiness?? someone once told me it had to do with the moon being full. not really sure i agree- but something is in the air today. yikes. i hope tomorrow is HAPPY pants day.


matt threw the crate of sandwiches at me.

Sweet Things (from God)

Glittery and sparkly snow
Beautiful snow
White and pure snow reminding me of how God views my heart
A friend scraping my snowy windows for me
A phone call from my mother
A valuable conversation with my dad
Consistant advice
A roommate sitting on the couch when i got home
Three meals provided for me
A place to do laundry for free
Bread to make a sandwich for work
A fun friend to work with
A warm place to sleep...


ya know, i want to go to bed. i really do. i am craving my sheets and heavy covers. it's about 10-20 below tonight and the warmth of my bed is calling my name. but there's a problem, see. i have an enormous amount of heavy things on my mind. there are some major life issues that i am facing, and part of me is going crazy trying to grasp onto anything stable and certain. another part of me wants to shove it aside (yet again!), crawl into bed, and forget about it (yet again!). i have been doing this a lot lately- shoving it all aside. i am willing to bet that less then a hand full of you (the readers) are aware of any of the things i'm about to dive into.

my week started with a funeral. attending a funeral on a monday is never a good way to begin a week. i've struggled with this since the service, but for fear of saying something hurtful or wrong, i have not written about it. i don't want to make it worse for my friend- who is the person that lost a dear friend of her's. i went to a friend of a friend's funeral because i love my friend. i wanted to show my love for her, support her, be there for her, laugh when she wanted me to laugh, and hand her tissues when she wanted to cry. i guess i was thinking so much about my friend, and hurting over her loss that i didn't think too much about actually sitting through the funeral service. it felt long. my mind flashed back countless times to the funeral of my precious Holly- that was only just a few months ago. that's when the sadness and depression started to kick in. death has a way of tearing mercilessly into one's soul.

on wednesday, i went to visit a friend of mine who is residing in a rehab center. she's 82 years old, and has had three minor heart attacks. minni is her name. she is a german war bride, whose son and daugter-in-law are close friends of my family. minni loves my apple pies. minni thinks i'm pretty. minni thinks i'm sweet- and she tells me. she can hardly see any more. watching her sit in her wheel chair, trying desperately to drink some apple juice out of a cup, but not having the stength to lift the cup to her lips was just horrifying.
her daughter-in-law and i went with minni to physical therapy. minni could barely get up out of her wheel chair- in fact, they had to lift her out. she clung to parallel bars and shuffled her feet ever so slowly. it was sad. sad to see her struggle so much just to take one step with two people helping her. sad to watch her quality of life being stripped from her with every passing second. sad to hear her say, "i asked God to let me die."
i gave minni some flowers and she was over-joyed. she brought them close to her face, and inhaled deeply. she proclaimed to me, "oh! i love flowers! i just love flowers! i used to pick them- all kinds of them. and my mother would say, 'no more flowers' but i could not stop picking!" my heart aches for minni and her family. i want her to get better, and move back home where i can make her apple pies. but, they say there's not much time left.

i guess i can go to bed now. i'll crawl under my covers, pull my little pink abby bear close, and try desperately not to think about all that is plaguing me.


ahh...pure birthday bliss. i am in pure birthday bliss.

i am blessed beyond blessed beyond blessed...

Non-Christmas Letter

Do single, non-missionary women send out “Christmas” letters? I’ve never received one, but I figure, Christmas is over- so I already missed that mark, and I love writing so why not? I find this letter to be quite funny: me sending out a yearly letter about my family- which consists of me! Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying this in a sad way, I really find it funny. Odd, but funny. What better time to update then on my 25th birthday eve? Here’s a glimpse at my crazy life this past year!

Contrary to my first paragraph, I am really not alone at all. Although it’s difficult to be so far away from my family, I do belong to a family of three out here in MN. My old roommate got married, and my new friend moved in. We have another friend who practically lives here, too. The three of us have a blast together, and have gotten very close. It feels like a party all the time! We all agree that God brought us together in an amazing (and weird!) way.

A big leap of faith rocked my world as I resigned my position as a Consumed Ministries staff member. God lead, and I obeyed. During that time, He opened the door for me to begin taking more writing classes at the largest literary center in the nation- The Loft, in downtown Minneapolis. (Doesn’t that sound so cool?!) It rocks! I love it so much!

I still work at Starbucks as a Shift Manager, full time- to pay the bills. I long for something more and I am praying that God works in that way soon! My fellow “partners” and I are quite bonded though, and I love them dearly. I want them to know God’s love so badly. I did actually become a Coffee Master this year! I get to wear a black apron and everything. It was hard work, and I am so happy to have achieved this.

In terms of my “free time”, I have started taking up drum lessons. It’s been amazing! I have always loved the drums, and have dreamed of learning to play and now God has provided me a way to learn and practice. Some people get weirded out trying to picture me playing the drums, but if you could watch me and see the enormous smile on my face when I play- you’d understand!

Other then that, I have been training for a half marathon, which takes up a lot of time and energy! I’m totally up for this massive challenge; I just can not wait to cross that finish line. To be able to say- I trained, I fought, I ran, I did it! What bliss!

This year has certainly held its fair share of loss, pain, heart ache, grief, confusion, anger, agony, wonder, and trial- but through it all, God has shined his faithfulness through. I am blessed beyond belief, and I think in this, my 25th year of life, I will continue to observe and trust in this truth.

Well, how was that for my first, single, non-missionary, non-Christmas update letter? I look forward to trying this again- who knows? Maybe I’ll send out a Fourth of July update letter? Stay tuned!

Nat 'n Me

i am, at this very moment, enjoying one of my most favorite kind of friday nights. it began when the work day ended! from there, i went to my stinkin' amazing new gym. i have been training for the half marathon hard core starting this week. i finally have the ok (since the dreaded foot fiasco!) to begin running again. hallelujah. i ran the longest i have run so far this first week back. what a feeling. there's nothing like running a hard run, getting off that treadmill, and sluggishly dragging back to the locker room, knowing an amazing feat was achieved.

now that my hot shower is behind me, i can sit, enjoy my surloin steak soup (no, i'm usually not a steak girl, but my body is craving protein!), watch a movie that a dear friend so kindly picked out and bought for me...all the while enjoying my aching limbs. there's nothing like it!

candles are burning, the bathroom is clean, i am cozy in my new sweats and sweatshirt (although i am glad you can't see me, because it's actually a really dorky outfit!), and i am ready to just BE.

ahh...and the best part is, nat is sarrinading me, telling me how UNFORGETTABLE i am-in every way, though near or far. it doesn't get better then this...

Rockin' New Years!

my new year's rocked! i think it was the best new year's day i have ever had. boog, swzy, and i packed up the liberty and went on a minor road trip together! we laughed, we yelled, we bickered, we laughed some more, we sang, we danced, we glared at our nemisiss road rage drivers, and did i mention we laughed?! we drank mountain dew (green for the cool girls, orange for the rest), ate combos, and chocolate animal crackers.

our destination was none other then an AG Silver concert. my only complaint is that the silly espresso bar people told me twice they had soy milk, and twice, that no- in fact, they did not have soy milk. putting all that aside- the concert totally ROCKED! amazing musicians, extremely talented, entertaining, and fun! we were in awe. i'm telling you- you're missing out if you haven't experienced their music yet.

The Clouds are Parting!

heart surgery is quite a reoccuring theme in my family. (don't worry, no one is scheduled for any more physical surgery any time soon.) but, i will say for the past several months, i have been really wrestling with anger over my life, and what i perceive to have come of it. thinking about my life has made me recall hurt- which i still feel in a very real way, sometimes making me angry, and then slowly turning me bitter and negative. it's like i had thrown my hands up in the air and given up on having a fulfilling life because things just have not gone the way i have ever wanted them to. i am almost 25 (a week from today!) and have just been so depressed at how OLD i am getting, yet feeling like i have done nothing with my life yet.

thus beginning my spiritual heart surgery- with my dear Father physician gently operating. (again!) He has also used people to inpart Godly wisdom and insight- helping me to wake up and smell the reality yet again! i am beginning to come around to a peaceful, hopeful, excited, and new direction in life! everything on the surface looks the same from day to day- but not my heart. my heart is renewed. that's the power of the God i love. and the God who loves me.