so i've been knocked out twice in the past week. that can't be good for me. i'm still arguing in my mind whether i was really knocked or, or not- but the fact that my memory is non-existant during both episodes, leads me to believe i blacked out for a second or two. it doesn't really matter if i was conscience the whole time or not. the point is, i've been knocked down to the ground twice as of late! what the heck?

exhibit A- a football game, touch football mind you. i was instructed by the QB (the names are being left out to protect the identities of the individuals at fault) to yell "blitz!" and charge the opponent. so, as a good little team member, i set myself to charge the guy- hear "hike!" and i run- full force- towards him. per instructions i also yelled, "bli...." and the next thing i know my body is pumled (this is the part i can't recall!)- and all of the sudden i am laying FLAT on my back in the dirt. the weird thing is, although this was quite painful, i started cracking up! then tears kept coming (although i was not crying!) and i just kept having to wipe them away.

over the next several hours, the pain in my body began to sink in and i have been sore ever since. (almost a week ago!) how bizzarre!

exibit B- i am at work, as usual. i see "grande soy wet cap" comin' towards me, and i KNOW he's gonna ask me to turn down the music. (this irritates me more then i can express- he comes in almost every day, and EVERY day asks us to turn the music down so low, it can not be heard. it leaves the store void of any music- which makes it horribly boring and irritating!) so i see him coming and to avoid hearing his words, "can ya turn the music down?" (i'm using my imitating voice for those of you who know it) i rush towards the back room to turn it down before he can ask me. i hold up my hand (as i'm moving to the back room) and say, "i'm gonna..." and WHAM! the swinging back room door clunks me right in the face- smack in between my eyes and my foreheard. again- memory is gone during this time- the next thing i know, i'm FLAT on my back on the ground. and again, i start cracking up, and the tears start coming, although again, i am not crying. the goose egg balloons up, and now i am stuck with a bruise on my face but thankfully it can't be seen, really.



i woke up this morning completely hungry to feast on anything God had to tell me! i keep a Bible next to my bed, with a journal of course, and so i rolled over, grabbed my Bible and just opened it up- the pages fell open to the amazing book of Titus. i just poured over what Titus was telling me, as a woman. it's pretty concise, clear, and something God wanted to tell me. i loved every minute of it. there i was, all cozy in my bed, the warm spring sun shining through my window and God speaking His Words of Truth over me.

if you hadn't known my struggles for the past little while, then this wouldn't mean much to you. but, coming from a place of a cold, yet desert heart, this morning felt like a major milestone. God can break down walls, He can warm hearts- and He is softening mine.

it feels good. really good to be in a place where God is speaking to my heart, i am listening, and something is going to happen...

it feels really good to soak in the rays of His love, when so many times i hide in the darkness for fear that the rays of His love are going to burn me. but they never do- His rays of love only pour over me, giving me a golden glow that is absolutely, unmistakably of Him.

See Ya Later

i had to say good-bye to a friend this week. it was downrighht sad. i abhor saying "good-bye" to people. usually, i avoid it like the plague. i somehow manuever my schedule so that "i didn't get to say good-bye"! it's awkward. there are no words to say, and it's a miserable time. this week- i had to face the inevitable- the good-bye. as always, i felt like an idiot standing there, feeling sad, excited for him, but bummed for me...and there just wasn't anything left to say. i knew he was coming in for the last time, and i kept thinking about it. my stomach started to hurt, and i got all shaky. i'm a dork, but i feel for people. he's meant a lot to me, and how do you sum it all up during that one moment of good-bye? well, you don't. i, in turn, do not actually say "good-bye" to people, but rather, "see ya later!". so- see ya later friend! until next time...

5 Miles

i made it up to 5 miles today! i can hardly believe it. all my life i have stated that, "i am not a runner", but i just proved myself wrong today. and actually, i've been proving myself wrong for the past several months. running does not come naturally to me- but i am learning to love it, and i am getting better and better every week! i could have kept going today, my body felt great! wow- i am just amazed at my body's abilities! i have a feeling my mom was praying for me- and God worked! i had an awesome run, and i am in awe of His power in creation of human beings! a lot can happen when you have self-discipline, self-control, and work hard! it's truly amazing...

you thought you knew it all...

when i was in 4th grade, i played the recorder.
i wore braces because i had a wicked bad snaggle tooth.
i don't actually like plain, black coffee- even though i am a coffee master. (lots of flavored cream, please!)
my weaknesses are: chocolate, cookies, and pizza
i am becoming a morning person, i actually enjoy getting up early (so i can have the whole day!).
i am afraid of living life alone.
i am afraid of growing old and dying alone with no husband and no children.
i have always wanted a professional massage.
i used to live outside when i was little: climbing trees, swimming, riding my bike, and i LOVED roller skating.
i hated when my mom told me to wear a little blush when i was in a wedding once.
i did not want to grow up- i hated anything that had to do with "becoming a woman".
i crashed a mo-ped with my best friend on the back- we both got really bad scrapes.
i am afraid of not being loved for who i am.
i have always wanted to live in the south, and almost did- twice.
i used to work out almost 2 hours every day.
i could eat crunchy peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwhiches (on wheat) every day for the rest of my life and still love them.
i don't think i have ever missed a homework assignment.
i have been to disney world twice.
boys don't make any sense to me, and i find myself quite confused on what to do about this- it occupies my mind a lot.
i think i have partial ADD.
i am constantly daydreaming, or writing a book in my head. it's super hard for me to pay attention.
i can multiply and divide in my head, but can't add or subtract in my head.

there. i feel much better now.

They Came!

tonight was my first ever "perfomance/reading" of a piece of my writing. i was pretty dang nervous to get up in front of a public audience, and essentially bare my soul to them. when i write, i spill my heart on the page, and to share that with the world is down right scary. so there i was, up at the podium, bright lights shining in my eyes, and i could feel myself grinning at what i wrote. i was so happy to be sharing my love- my passion- with people who want to listen! astonishing!

i had an entire row of friends cheering me on. thank you, friends. to all of you special ones in my life: thank you to :swzy, boogsie, chuck, lisa, heidi, and dan. it meant the world to me to have an entire row of people who love me supporting me as i shared my heart. i had the most fans, i'm proud to say! you all came, and i am so touched. thank you and thank you!

a cute older man from my class read tonight, too. he made sure to introduce me to his wife- it was adorable! i then proceeded to introduce him to my entire row of friends. :)

i loved showing off The Loft to every one. i felt like i was at "back to school" night. i'm just super blessed to be so loved, so supported, and in a place where i am pursuing my passion and truly living.

praise God!

Totally Freaked!

i barely even know what day it is. my week has been a blur. on tuesday morning, at 8:30 am (God's first, of many, blessings to come- i thank Him i wasn't opening that morning!) i waltzed out to my prized, sweet little red jeep liberty. i opened the door to get in, and i saw a book of cd's and a cd case on my seat. this began the confusion! i don't exactly remember how it all came together in my mind, but i noticed the glove box was open, papers were strone about, and i kept thinking, "why are all these things out of place?" if you know me at all- you know that my car is always neat, and everything has its place. then all at once, i noticed my back seat (above) and the pile of glass. that really confused me...until i looked up, and saw the shattered window (below). if you look closely, you can see that the window is spidered all the way up to the top. (the entire window)

that's when i whipped my head back to the front and finally began to comprehend things. there was a massive gapping hole where my cd player used to be. the part around the cd player was hanging down as well, as you can see in the picture. (below) i was so shocked. completely at a loss as to what to do, who to call, how to handle the whole thing. at some point, i started shaking, but God kept me cool, calm, and collected!

thus began the ridiculous week of thousands of phone calls to my million insurance agents, the glass company, circuit city, the police, my landlord, my work, jeep, etc,etc. i really did feel like a chicken with my head cut off, as cliche as that is. through it all, my insurance company paid for the glass, and i am stuck with the rest! praise God they're covering that. another blessing is that the circuit city guy broke off my atena (which had previously gotten bent in the car wash!) so he is fixing it for me for free! yeah! also, my landlord gave me a garage for free, so now my baby has her own place of safety. i still have one more part to get fixed, and my manager at work is helping me to find the part through a junk yard so it will be cheaper then going through jeep! the tiny plastic piece is supposed to cost me $260- just for a tiny piece! we'll see what happends.
the funny thing is- my favorite cd was in the player- my AG Silver cd! of all my cd's i would not have wanted to be stolen, that was the one! ha! what are the odds?! a couple days later, i looked in the little arm rest thing and noticed that two books of cd's were stolen as well. they were all burned cd's from amber in college- all sentimental cd's. also, my high school cd's, like soundtracks and old school mariah. they all meant a lot to me- but, in the end, it's just stuff.
anyway, i've been totally freaked this week. every little noise is scary. walking out to my car is completely scary, but God has been taking good care of me. i heard in a movie the other night that God tells us not to fear 365 times in the Bible, so He must mean we really shouldn't fear! i am working on it!
slowly, but surely, my head is growing back- and i am coming out of this week an even better woman then before. God has been leading me, showing me things, and- well, i am thankful. i truly am!