Happy New Year's Eve!

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE! i, for one, am excited about this holiday. usually i'm not that excited, but tonight- my household is having the best kind of night.

we are having chili, chips and salsa, (and i don't know yet what boog is bringing for drinks and dessert!) while watching, "sleeping with the enemey". (don't ask me why!) we are all wearing comfy sweats and sweatshirts as it is snowing heavily, and we are in for the night!

it's hard to be home, and leave my family- but it's good to be back!

Great Advice

Take you time.

Beautiful Evening!

i just spent a beautiful evening with two beautiful friends. it was such a special time to bond, open our hearts, talk, and just enjoy our moment together at Cafe Latte. i could have sat there all night and talked the time away. i feel touched, and grateful for this gift of friendship.

My Glass

something has been troubling me, and where better to express it then on my own personal blog? there is this person in my life (to protect the identity of this said individual, i am making this person a male with the name of jay) who has been pointing out an aspect of my character a lot lately. at first, it was funny. jay pointed out that my "glass is half empty". i immediately responded "whatever!" (me? defensive?!)

well, i thought about that a lot...so later on, i said to jay, "you know what. you're right. my glass is half empty, and i think that's why it hurts so much to hear you say that." jay laughed out loud, thinking i was really funny for saying that. i guess it was funny that day.

as time has gone on, jay keeps saying this about me. "you really ARE half empty" he keeps saying. well for crying out loud. i'm sorry that i have to be safe. i'm sorry that i have to be protective of me, my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, my heart, and my life! i can't just waltz around expecting everything in life to be perfect and happy at all times. i have to protect myself. does that make me half empty? does that make me negative "all the time"? i guess in guarding my heart, if it makes me appear half empty, there's nothing i can do. i suppose i could just not express how i really feel- but then i wouldn't be me. it's probably impossible anyway.

plus, just because i don't trust, doesn't mean i'm half empty. it means i don't have any reason to trust. and just because i don't take short cuts, it does not make me half empty! i don't want to be half empty! but, i don't see anyway around it if i want to be safe. if i don't put my guard up, who will? it was once said about me, "you are a skeptic, until you are a believer- but once you believe, you BELIEVE!" well, there ya go!

Little Is Biggest

sometimes it's the littlest gifts in life that mean the most. sometimes it's the littlest moments in life that mean the most as well. either gifts or moments usually come quite unexpectedly, and bring more joy then i realize at the time.

a friend gave me four quarters today because she knew i was doing laundry, and had run out of quarters. now i can do another load, and i'm so happy to be able to get my whites done! it was a gift seemingly small, but in my heart-it was so much more then 4 quarters. a simple gesture goes such a long way.

i went to visit my little friend who turned 4 today. her sister let me into the house, and when my little newly turned 4-year-old-friend came down the stairs, i was struck with the happiness that she radiated. she was wearing a pink ribbon that said something about her turning 4 today. she was so proud of that little pink ribbon. i was also struck by the fact that she was wearing an adorable little sweater-dress with tights. her dad had taken her out for krispy kremes that morning, and she wore a dress. it was such a sweet scene. it reminded me of my dad, and how he took me out for breakfast when i was little, and still does to this day. part of me has to hold back tears for how much i miss my dad, and tears for how much my dad loves me.

i wonder, is that the kind of love my Heavenly Father has for me?


i'm sad. that's all there is to it. i always have this underlying sadness in my deepest heart of hearts, but usually it's kept locked away. i occupy my mind with work, friends, church, groups, projects, tv, movies, reading, talking on the phone, eating, running, music...anything except dwelling on sadness. it's not healthy to mope around and wish for things that are out of my control. because that's exactly it: things are out of my control.

i was talking to my manager today about all kinds of things. he brought up the option for me to become an assistant mananger. every few months the subject resurfaces. i always go back to my old stand by: "starbucks is a means to an end (money!) and it's not what i want to do for my life, i have a higher purpose..." yet in the mean time, i have no idea when this "higher purpose" is finally going to play out. quite possibly never. so should i pursue something "bigger" in my current career- just in case my dreams never come to fruition?

thinking about this just makes me sad. sad that i'm not living the "higher purpose" that i so long for. sad that so many people around me ARE living that "higher purpose", and i am crazy longing for their lives. i feel like i'm dangling from a rope from the unknown scary sky, with no hopes of it being cut down so i can fall where i've always wanted to fall.

my fear is that i will forever be dangling from this hopeless rope, and that i will not be cut lose until the day i depart this earthly existance. but then again- once that day comes i will be living with my Savior, so it won't matter any more.

the saddest truth of all: it matters right now.


“Borne Supremacy”, “The Supremes”, a supreme pizza, a supreme burrito, a supreme being/superhero. Jason Borne is the best at what it is he does- he’s unstoppable. The Supremes are a hugely successful chic band. Supreme foods are loaded with everything imaginable- the best at what they are. A supreme super hero is untouchable. But, our God being supreme?
God’s supremacy is too important, too great to describe. He is greater then any president, any king, any CEO, any leader, any ruler. He is above all, before all, superior to all…and still feels indescribable.
Talk about supreme. Talk about having major authority over everything- visible and invisible. I decided I wanted a cup of hot tea this morning. I filled up my new, shiny teapot with hot water, set it on the back burner, and turned the burner on high. After a minute or so, I changed my mind and started balancing my checkbook first. I turned off the burner, and sat inches away from my stove at the kitchen table. A few seconds later, I hear this loud shattering blast noise, feel an odd sensation wash over me, and in pure reaction duck my head and cry out a scared scream. I was shocked, confused, and quite scared.
I quickly turned around to see what on earth had happened. Surrounding me was shards of glass. Big pieces, little pieces, splintered pieces. The glass was everywhere I looked. Glass was shattered all across my kitchen floor, into my living room, all in the carpet, on one of my couches, all over the stove, counter, kitchen table, and even on the heating vents. I stood there, stunned for several minutes, surveying the damage. Still scared from the blast, and having nowhere to step- I didn’t move.
It finally began to unfold in my mind what had happened. There were two glass dishes sitting on the front burner- one being a 9 X 13 dish. Turns out, I had accidentally turned on the front burner, instead of the back burner when making my tea. In doing this, the glass dish sitting on the front burner got hot, and literally exploded. It was a terrifying realization. I could have been very seriously injured.
I began the cleaning up by slowly sweeping up the glass. At one point I noticed the chair I had been sitting in. The seat of my chair had a ring of glass around it. A ring of glass around where I had been sitting, yet not one piece of glass touched me. Not one. My hand, face, ear, and arm had not even a scratch. Had I been facing the stove, glass would have exploded in my face, no doubt in my eyes. I could very well have gone blind. A terrifying thought that haunts me. I was stunned.
God is supreme. He has control over the universe. That was more then evident today. God protected me from all sorts of harm. I am relieved, and thankful, and in awe of his might. Of his authority- My God has the power to dominate our entire universe- even the glass obeys His command. In everything, my God has the supremacy!