Hidden Dreams

yeah, you have them. hidden dreams. dreams you've never mentioned. dreams you've maybe never even admitted to yourself. we all do it. why do we do it? why do we hide our dreams? hide our longings? well for one, we chalk up the "obvious" to logic. in doing so (and this brings me to my second reason) we limit God. our faith is weak. yeah, we have faith...but it's quite possibly smaller then a mustard seed. "i know you're huge, God...i know you CREATED this entire universe in just 6 days...i know you CREATE new human beings every minute of every day...i know you can perform miracles...oh wait a minute. that was back in the book of acts...you're not that same God..." oh, i'm sorry. i forgot God changed since then. hhmmm...
don't ask me where the sarcasm came from. when i started this entry, it wasn't my intent. (just blame boog or swznikki for this) mostly, i am talking to ME. tonight i am having a revelation. i have been alone for the past several hours. since this is not a regular occurrence, it's quite a dangerous opportunity. you see, today i experienced my very first alone time with a real drum kit. i have been taking lessons for several months now, but i am always being taught, and practicing with someone. or, i practice on my practice pad at home. (doesn't quite have the same effect) but, today...today i got to hide down in my friend's basement with my very own borrowed real drums. with my very own sticks. (i actually own those) and let me tell you, for 45 minutes i went to town. alone. just me and my drums. now don't get me wrong, i am not good. i am sure it's quite an obnoxious noise to other people. but not to me. and not to God. you know why? because i am in LOVE. i am absolutely captivated by this instrument. i was sweating, laughing, dancing around, counting out loud and banging away on those things like my life depended on it. i was working hard. my arms are even sore. and my right leg. it's absolutely hilarious to me. i can't even believe i am playing the drums! the drums have been my somewhat hidden dream since i was 10. i remember the exact moment when i tried out for playing instruments and i got a PERFECT SCORE on drums. i have never forgotten that. and now, here i am 14 years later (yeah, i'm old, i know) playing the exact instrument that i know God put a desire in my heart for, even at the age of 10. my mom mentioned to me that she doesn't ever remember me mentioning the drums. hidden dream. it's always been in my heart...i have mentioned it to one person in my life, i think, before this year. i don't remember...but if my mom didn't know, it was pretty hidden. Buried even. well, God has once again brought life to some thing in me that was dead. hidden dreams. they're there. you have them. are you afraid? i am.