A Word For Me, Part 2

The first thing Keith did was ask me a question, “Do you feel like you’re in a dry place or wilderness, maybe not fulfilled?” Tears sprang to my eyes instantly over the words not fulfilled. All manner of thoughts raced through my mind.

I’m a mother to two children who I agonized over. I am blessed! All I ever wanted to do with my life was get married and have babies, but now that I’m here I don’t think mothering is what I thought it would be. What was I actually wanting? I feel guilty for being bored, tired, exhausted, and uninterested in mothering at times. Was my life meant to be about diapers, potty training, breaking up fights (constantly!!!!), cleaning up sticky tables, Paw Patrol, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and mastering the art oh-so-UNsuccessfully of raising my children to be respectful and obedient? My quick tears verified the guilt drenched truth- I don’t feel fulfilled. Or maybe more accurately, I don’t feel as if I’m fulfilling my calling well.

I was thankful Keith and I were talking on the phone, as I was able to mask my tears. He went on to tell me about two passages of Scripture from Isaiah (Chapters 12 and 35). As he read them aloud, these words raced straight to my heart as a precious gift from God. I wrote them frantically in my journal as he was reading, “Be strong, fear not. Eyes of the blind opened. Refreshing. Redeemed. Everlasting JOY. The Lord is my strength and my song. Draw water from the wells. Proclaim that His name is exalted. The dry land shall be glad and blossom abundantly.”

Hearing and receiving those Scriptures felt like the purest water soaking into my dry spirit. It was almost as if I was kneeling on parched ground, weary and exhausted and all of the sudden I was surrounded by crystal blue, fresh water. It was like I got to cup my hands in it, take a deep breath, and splash myself in the refreshment of it.  I continued to guzzle in everything Keith shared from the glorious Scriptures.

He pointed out the impact of intercessory prayer ministry is not to be understated. Prayers are powerful. This was particularly jolting to me because I have time to pray for others as I’m home raising my kids. When they’re up in the night, I pray. When I can’t fall back asleep, I pray. As I hear those little voices first thing in the morning when it’s still dark out, I pray. When I tuck them in for their naps and bedtime, I pray. When it’s time to eat, I pray. Keith encouraged me to keep looking for opportunities to pray, for there is power in those prayers. James tell us- each and every one of us- that ALL of our prayers are powerful and effective. 

Keith continued to explain how relational connections are evident in my life, and those are to be celebrated. It’s hard to describe what it was like to receive this affirmation. I guess I can just say it felt like God spoke to an empty part of my heart that had constantly been wondering, “Do I even matter?” I battle this thought often. As I’m raising my kids, do I even matter? In broken family relationships, do I even matter? Working with teenagers, do I even matter? As a writer, do I even matter? In my calling, do I even matter?

Every one of those doubts comes from lies the enemy whispers into my spirit. What God spoke the loudest to me through Keith that night was- I matter. My life matters. Through the blood Jesus shed for me, I am bought back from the lies and am equipped through the Spirit to not just exist, but to thrive.

At the end of our conversation, Keith said one more thing that has stuck with me, almost more than anything else. Three years ago someone told Keith he would be developing a new gifting. In the last couple months, I am the second person to ask Keith if he had a word to share. No one else has ever asked him that question in his life. He was encouraged in the Spirit because I followed the prompting of the Spirit in my own heart. I was so nervous about asking the question, "Do you have a word for me?". But if I hadn't obeyed the voice of God, not only would I have missed out on an incredible gift of refreshment, but Keith would have missed out, too.

Thank you to God for pouring out His word through His children, and through all of our different gifts. Thank you to Keith for taking the time to seek God on my behalf, and to boldly speak into my life.

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. 

The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

In that day you will say: Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted.”

 Isaiah 12