Fired Up

i really should be going to bed. i have to get up at 5. i know, the story of my life. it's really not that bad, i just hate mornings. i can't help it.
anyway, i am all fired up about something. a friend of mine just made the comment that God doesn't really want her to be happy (if you're reading this...you already know my respsonse, it's just that i believe so passionately about this i have to get it out!). i know that i have believed that for so many years. my parents always told me i had a "pessimistic attitude", or a "fatalistic attitude" about God, but i continued on with that mindset anyway. they always taught me that God was good, loving, caring, etc. i just clung to my own conclusions. the wrong ones. i believed that whatever the hardest, most painful situation for me to chose was what God had planned. if i chose to "endure for Jesus" then God would be happy. NO NO NO!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! how awful, how horrible, how absolutely horrendous!
God loves me INTIMATELY. he knows my every tiny hair, every inch of my physical body, every deepest, darkest thought, every single emotion...God UNDERSTANDS me. he understands me when i don't even understand myself. and HE LOVES ME THE SAME. i bring him joy. i bring him pleasure.
that's why he created me a certain way. he created me with a passion to love women. he created me with a passion to write. he created me with the ability to communicate through writing. he created me to love the drums, and to have an ear for rythm. he created me to love drumming. he created me to lead others. he created me to be able to manage a shift well at work. he created me to love the coffee scene, and to make a great latte! the things i love to do, God created me to do, and HE LOVES WATCHING ME DO THOSE THINGS. it brings him joy. such joy to see me fully alive.
oh to have you understand this! oh to have you know God's deep, intimate, personal love for you in this way. what makes you come alive? what makes you tick? go and do that, it brings our Father more pleasure then you can even begin to imagine. won't you please...please get this. please know that our God is good. God is out for your happiness, not out to make you miserable.
it brings me to tears to think that for so long, i was afraid of God. i thought God was out to get me...when really, he is full of compassion. full of gentleness. full of LOVE. i now know the truth, and i will spend my life exposing the truth to anyone who will listen. i'm starting with YOU.