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i watched a man almost die today- for all i know, he might even be dead. i'll never know, but what i witnessed, i'll never forget.

i am a big fanatic of hospital drama shows (i.e. House, ER, etc.). watching trauma happen live is a whole other scene. i was cheering on my friends who ran a half marathon today- and once they finished we went to the food tent. on our way back, we hear on the loud speaker that there is an immediate need for the EMT's. i thought, "oh! that probably would have been me- with my torn muscle!" then i thought, "some one is probably dehydrated". when we got closer to the scene- a man had collapsed on the ground, after completing the half marathon.

i was eating a granola bar, and stopped right where i was, absolutely frozen. i couldn't take my eyes of the guy. his legs, and running shoes were all i could see. there was a woman (friend? girl friend? finance? wife?) who was also wearing a number- indicating she had run the race, too, standing off to the side crying, and weeping, "no! no!" with her hands holding her face in place- she never took her eyes off the guy.

i watched the EMT's do real deal CPR- i was stunned. i couldn't believe it was happening for real. then, i watched them take out the dephibulator and shock his chest. it was horrifying. simpy horrible. i was shaking, still frozen in the same position, and i began to pray!

finally, i heard jamie say, "he's breathing. i see his chest moving. see?" i couldn't see the guy's chest- but i was relieved to hear it. they put the guy on a stretchor, covered him with a white sheet, and i finally saw his face. his head was cocked to the side, eyes closed, and he wasn't moving. i kept staring at his running shoes. he trained, he ran, he fought, he finished...who would have ever thought his heart (or anyone's heart!) would just stop at the end of the race.

it could have been me. i was supposed to have been running that race. it could have been me. i can't get that guy out of my head- it's been constantly on my mind all day. i will never be able to find out what happened to him, and if he's OK or not. i pray, but i guess i'll never know the outcome. that haunts me. i want him to be OK.

it could have been me.