I do want to share Jesus...

Lately Chuck and I have attended conferences, camps, or heard speakers that have frankly made me feel like the worst Christian ever.  I was literally sitting at a conference where I was told to get out my cell phone immediately and call an unsaved friend right  then and there and share the gospel with them.  Excuse me?

Now please hear my heart, I WANT TO SHARE THE LOVE OF JESUS WITH PEOPLE.  Yes, I do!  Especially with friends that I care deeply for.  Even with strangers for that matter.  I want to share about what God has done in my life and how He can do that in their's too.  But I don't not want to shove it super awkwardly at them with some random phone call.  I will say that I called my friend and invited her to go for coffee instead, thus building a relationship with her first.  I've been pretty down in the dumps about what a bad witness I am though.  OK, I don't really believe that about myself, but that's how these speakers have made me feel.

Well today I had lunch with a friend.  I had shared with her my regrets at not telling my Doctor about God in my life before she switched practices.  She had been the one to first tell me that our baby's heart was not beating and that it looked like I would miscarry.  I can't imagine how she must have felt when she did the ultrasound, and could not find a heart beat.  I had no clue.  I was gazing at the ultrasound screen mesmerized by the very first siting of our deeply beloved baby.  It was exciting for me!  And I was feeling a little upset because I had told Chuck not to come as I "knew the appointment would be no big deal."  In my naivety I thought, "Well, he'll get to be here next week to see this!" and went on with gazing at our incredible child.  But the Doctor knew right away something was wrong.  As she shared the news that would absolutely rip my heart out, she did it with kindness, understanding, and such warmth.

I sat vulnerably on the table covered in that humbling little sheet and silently tried not to cry.  Tears were unavoidable, and my Doctor sat there with me as they flowed freely down my cheeks.  How must she have felt?  I could muster no audible word besides, "OK", and I'm not even sure if that's technically a real word.

After that heartbreaking appointment my Doctor shared confidentially with us that she would be moving to a new practice.  The disappointment and sadness kicked in right away.  I was touched that she shared this news with Chuck and I.  We were able to express our gratitude to her.  She said she really liked me and  that greatly touched my heart .

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I'm not a fan of super long posts and this has gone on long enough.  Too be continued...