Sweet Love

Today I was sitting on the couch perusing silly stuff on my phone while Jase played on the floor.  I was feeling pretty lonely, and not sure what I should do next.  So many thoughts were going through my head like, "Some day I should plant a garden", or "I should really learn how to can vegetables from my future garden", or "I don't want Jase to grow up with so much technology.  I want him to run outside, play outside, ride his bike outside, and use his imagination!",  or "Maybe we should buy a house in the country".  I tend to feel like what I do on a daily basis is a waste.  NOT the caring for Jase part, but the other stuff.  All the stuff I feel like I'm not doing.  Then I heard the garage door go up and I instantly got tears in my eyes.  Chuck had come home for lunch!  He rarely comes home for lunch so this was a great surprise.  When he opened the door, the first thing I saw was a Dunkin Donuts iced tea.  I suspected it was blueberry, and I was right.  He got me my favorite drink.

Several tears slipped out, and I tried to wipe them away quickly because I couldn't really define why I was crying.  I think it's because Chuck being there right when I needed him- without him even knowing- was just pure love.  It was his love for me that brought tears.  I'm underserving of his kindness.  Trust me, if I blogged about how awful I can be towards him, it would astound people.  Or maybe not.  I know many wives are jerks to their husbands, but that doesn't make me feel any better about my sin.   A couple hours before Chuck arrived I had spent a good amount of time crying over my awful attitude towards my husband.  I have apologized to him so.many.times I don't think my apologies count anymore.  I told God I just can't take myself anymore.  My crankiness, my meanness, my discontentedness, on and on the list goes.  It was really sweet of God to offer me His grace yet.again.  In fact, I ended up reading about God's freedom, of all things!   He was offering me freedom- right in the midst of my mess.  How underserving I am.

Later I came up to our office/guest room to send someone a message, and saw yet another sweet gift from Chuck.  He had put up a white ribbon in front of his lap top, and used tiny clothes pins to hang up about seven pictures of me.  Some of when I was a toddler, others from my high school days- including braces (EW!), and one from our second date.   Who would want to see that many pictures of me, haha?!  I know he didn't hang that up as a gift to me, but it was yet another reminder.  Another tug on my heart that simply said, "Love."