Godzilla

I had a post all lined up for today. Being that it's launch week and all, I wanted to write two posts instead of one. But, today turned out to be nothing like I expected, and thought some of you might be able to relate to the day I'm having. I would rather post the happy story already written, but in the spirit of being genuine I'll share this little tidbit instead.

Today stinks. Several months ago I heard about a conference that was happening close by. I was really excited about it! I love conferences, and love hearing from ministry leaders. I was in the process of arranging a sitter so I could attend the conference (not an easy feat), when my hopes of going got shot down. At first I was angry, but then anger turned to hurt. Eventually days kept passing, a couple months went by, and I got over it. Until today. The actual day of the conference.

Enter the ever-so-popular Pity Party. I woke up irritated that Chuck got to spend his whole day with friends and coworkers at a nice conference with a nice lunch while I stayed home. Even my brother and his girl friend from out of town are there today, as well as out of town friends! I got angry all over again. It hurts to feel left out, and it stinks. The kids were especially fussy this morning, and by 7:35am I was already on the verge of losing my mind. I've spent the majority of the day near tears.

No, I did not handle the situation in the right way. I sent Chuck an angry text this morning, all the while freaking out at the kids, and even telling the dog to SHUT UP. (She really does need to stop the barking during nap time.) Humanity is ugly.

But what's beautiful is Jesus in humanity. In the midst of my nasty, He showed up in pure sweetness. I had received a package from my sister-in-law yesterday. I knew she was mailing me a coat and boots for Jase, so I didn't bother to open the box until today. Well, she surprised the kids by throwing in a couple toys they were so excited about! Heck, as you can see, even the boots were exciting!

I wish I could say after that I turned into an angel. More like Godzilla. When I finally couldn't take myself anymore, I prayed, "I don't have it in me to choose a good attitude today. Would you please just help me?" Later during a very few minutes I had to squeeze in some of my Bible study, Jesus gave me the desire to drop on my knees and cry out. "Jesus I'm angry, I'm hurt. I'm sorry for my awful behavior and I forgive. This day is so long, and so stinky- please just help me get through it!"

I felt an instant glimmer of hope. I was forgiven. I apologized to my husband. The day moved on. While the kids played, I unpacked some more boxes. I found our CD player. We listened to kids praise music. Jase and I danced. Basye smiled contently from her crib. There was a subtle change in my heart.

His name is Jesus.