my dad has to have open heart surgery. again. he was born with defective heart valves, and so about 7 years ago had one replaced with a pig valve. since then, it's been sort of a joke that dad has a pig part in him, but our recent news has taken on a whole new dimension of the pig valve. that pig apparently had a defective valve also. or, it has beome defective since it's been inplanted. either way, dad is having another surgery to fix two leaking valves. at first, we were informed that the surgery would take place some time near the end of may. through a lengthy chain of events, it now looks like the surgery could be this week, or possibly the 17th of april. tomorrow we get test results back where we will find out whether or not dad has an infection in his blood. for some reason, there is suspicion to believe there could be. this further compicates things. if he does have an infection, then he will have to go immediately back down to philly to have an iv of anti-biotics pumped through him. (we don't know how long that takes...hours? days?) after that, he might have surgery right away. or, he may have to wait a week. if he does not have the infection, then he will most likely have surgery the 17th. it's all up in the air right now. so, we wait. and wait. and wait. an hour feels like a lifetime. what's going to happen? what's going on in my dad's body? will he be ok? the burden of the surgery and unknowns are weighing on my dad....i can't imagine having to face what he's facing right now. it's tough on all of us, really.
as for me...i hate being away from him and my mom and my family. it's torture going through my day alone without them, not knowing what the next step will be. i have determined in my heart that i WILL be there for the surgery. i do not care what it takes. i will pay off a plane ticket for the rest of my life if i have to! i will quit my job, or lose my insurance if that's what it takes. (i have to keep up 20 hours per week to keep my benefits) it's not even a question if i am going home or not. i am. i just don't know when (YET) or how (YET). God will get me there. i know that with no doubt. i just hate waiting, not knowing, and all the lingering questions. i already have tickets booked for the end of april and would be flying back to MN on may 1. so, i might just go and stay until may 1 when i was already scheduled to fly back. (hence the reason i could lose my benefits if i am gone for that many weeks) so, what's a girl to do? without a doubt, she will be there for her dad. she will be there for her mom. all the other stuff, well, i just don't know.
what i do know is that the Lord is my shepherd. The Lord leads me beside quiet waters. The Lord restores my soul. My Father is guiding me in paths of righteosness for his name's sake. Even though my family is walking through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil. My Father is with me. His rod and staff comfort me...which means he is guiding and protecting me. Goodness will come, and i know that i will live with him for all eternity. and for that, dear God, i thank you.