and again, we're passing the cheer...

i saw my first starbucks christmas commercial tonight. i know i am supposed to be ultra loyal, and i totally am...but i have to admit, the commercial was a bit lame. a girl hugs a bear..."peppermint white mocha" (which happends to be an excellent beverage) comes up...they remind us to "pass the cheer" and then it's done. hhhmm...for all the money they spent doing that, i honestly expected just a bit more then that...

4 Channels

i walked in the door the other night to find the tv shoved into the middle of the room. swz was shoved in the corner, tanlged up in all kinds of cords. the sounds of angry comments, accompanied by angry growls filled the air.

"what'cha doin' back there?" i asked.

"i'm so done with only 4 stations. all i want to do is watch a freaking football game on 45."

a few minutes later i hear her on the phone with her grandma. she was looking for some sordof electronic doo-dad that she thought for sure would re-instate the 3 channels we lost when we got the new tv. you see, we used to have 7 channels total- not anymore. grandma was no help.

me: "did you check under the futon?"

badda-bing! the doo-dad was found. i was the hero! at this point, i left for the evening. upon my return, i cautiously asked, "did you get back the channels?" to which swz replied: "yes i did."

me: "really?!"

the cable arrives thursday.

Farmer's Dog

there was a farmer who had a dog, and bingo was his name-o.

pretty sure i played bingo tonight. like the real deal bingo. it really exists.

i am now the proud new owner of a dabbin' fever dotter.

i totally played B-I-N-G-O tonight.

P to the umpkin

i have this enormous craving for pumpkin pie. no joke. i was grocery shopping tonight...only had to get 2 things. i left with two bags full! anyway, i was totally smacked in the face every aisle my cart turned down with thanksgiving. i could't help it! this craving for pumpkin pie just engulfed me. i was over in the bakery section and i saw the pp on sale! but i didn't want, and certainly didn't need an entire pp! i looked for half pies, but they only came in the fruit kind. that would just not do. i wanted pumpkin! so i thought to myself, i have my "special" ice cream in the freezer right now, and how perfect would that go with a nice, big piece of pp? hhhmmm...but they only came in full pie form! too much for me. i just wanted a mere slice. i thought, maybe i should just stop at baker's square. no- too much of a hassle for a dumb piece of pie. but it's thanksgiving week, and i really want it now! so that's when it came to me. this glorious realization.

i am 25 years old. i buy all my own groceries. i can buy an entire pie if i so choose to buy an entire pie! i have a roommate and friend, she'll of course revel in it with me! i have the freedom to buy however many the heck pieces of pie i want! glorious!

i bought the whole pie.

i got home, opened the box, and cut out a bite for myself BEFORE dinner.

yeah. i bought an entire pumpkin pie.


these things are never expected. never imagined.

i was standing in my lil kitchen, fixing myself some supper. it was beenies and weenies night, and i was quite looking forward to sitting down, finishing a movie, eating my yummy food, and just resting. i had several burners of my stove going when out of nowhere i hear this odd, sordof mini-explosion. i glanced out my living room window and sweet mercy! what did i see? but a FIRE blazing right outside! i rushed to the blinds and pushed them back to get a better view. craziness! the dumpster, directly outside my window was up in flames! fire was just shooting wildly out the top.

i starred at it for a second and then grabbed my phone. i thought i should call 911, but then i wasn't sure. every time i've had to call 911, i always debate first. i never want to bother them with something that really isn't an emergency. i looked again at the fire, and thought, "well, the flames are shooting out...." i dialed. the lady told me to "hold on". in that moment i became a little disturbed. hearing "hold on" from the 911 lady is not exaclty comforting. what if i had been bleeding to death or something? or worse....

anyway- she asked if some word was my address, and i replied, no, that was not my address. then she asked where i lived, and i told her my street. she then told me MY exact address. weird that they know. that was quite comforting. they can find me like that! well anyway, some body else had already called it in. she said, "yeah, it's a dumpster fire". like i know what that means. does everyone know what a dumpster fire is? she informed me that the fire department was on their way! i thanked her and hung up.

that's when i realized my hands were shaking. i found that to be odd. i wasn't that scared or anything. i think i was mostly nervous about calling 911. i proceeded to stand at the window and watch the fire. it felt like awhile before the first rescue SUV arrived. of COURSE it was an SUV. :) in reality, it was probably only a minute or so. i couldn't help but get a little excited when i heard the sirens in the distance- then saw the red, white, and blue flashing lights. that made me feel so safe. every time i have called 911 since living here, the cops have always arrived in comfortably quick timing. as i watched, i wondered if cops use red, white, and blue lights in honor of our country. it was actually very pretty.

then, seconds later, i heard the sirens again, and got to watch the big, massive, heavy duty firetruck pull in. out poured all the hottie firemen in their gear. they literally jumped out, grabbed the hose, and then i got really giddy! how cool is that?! they really use that hose thing! i have to admit, i was a bit diappointed because some middle aged woman was driving the truck...and then they had to wait and show her how to turn the nozzle on. boring.

BUT, the hotties drowned the flames and i watched the whole thing from the comfort of my own living room. i stood there, blinds pulled aside, eating my food just soaking in all that action. that's when i noticed that they were noticing me. they were all staring back at me and i suddenly got quite embarrassed! i stepped back to my stove, out of sight- deffinatley a hiding moment.

i couldn't help but wander back over to the window and watch them leave. i stood there and sighed. i felt rescued. like the firemen actually rescued me. i thanked them twice, although i know they didn't hear me...but, maybe they saw me wave my fork...

Any Other Way

any empty pizza box. the case for "you've got mail" laying on the floor. empty coffee mugs. movie ticket stubs in my purse. my new white coat with new coffee stains strewn on the coach. a wallet on the counter. a precious new christmas ornament. an empty can of livewire mountain dew. an empty baby can of a & w's root beer.

i love getting up in the morning and seeing different objects around that speak of the evening from the night before. i love nights like last night.

the movies with two close friends- martian child. sooooo good.

then coming home and just bein' in my sweats and tank top.

i made a comment to swz that it wasn't fair because someday it was gonna be her, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend watching football while i slept on the couch. i told her it was a lose, lose, lose situation for me. she smiled and said, "no. you win because you'd have a boyfriend." ah. true.

well, truth be told. i love saturday nights in 202. and, as has been said, i wouldn't have it any other way.

Again! We're Passing the CHEER!

i am so beyond excited for christmas i can hardly handle it!

it is starbucks christmas eve! tomorrow morning, i will arrive at 6:28 am to a magical, christmas wonderland! the mall christmas lights are lit all day now, and the ginormous wreaths with lights are hung, too! i will arrive a couple moments before mike, and gaze giddily through the windows, soaking in all the new cheer. there will be posters and pictures and reds and whites and mugs and christmas blend at every turn and ornaments and decorations and signs. there will be red cups in all shapes and sizes. there will be christmas small handle bags and christmas pastry bags. (these people don't miss a thing!) the dorothy ruby red shoes trays will be ready for me to display all the new holiday pastries!

THEN, in our red tshirts, mike and i will enter the magical wonderland and i will just soak it all in! i will head straight to the back and turn on the new christmas music! i will set up the pastries and breathe in the gingerbread and cranberry bliss and caramel praline!

THEN, around 9:11ish, it will be time. TIME for me to make and consume my VERY FIRST tall, soy, no whip, with foam and RED sprinkles, peppermint mocha in an adorable red cup of the season. heck! i may even get a grande!


not only that, but i am just GIDDY about christmas! i have a huge secret (that i can not post on this blog) that i am THEE MOST excited about! oh my word. and it's not even the day that's so exciting, it's the NOW! the preparation. the anticipation. the planning. the scheming. the dreaming. and it is HERE!

merry starbucks christmas eve everyone!

Full House

Full House: the complete series came out today, for the first time.
oh my word.
it's actually on sale at best buy.
the COMPLETE series.

A Big Girl's World

i'm a big girl. i don't know when it happened, but here i am. adult. on my own. independant. i am 25 years old. looks pretty young on paper, but i feel sometimes as if my life is passing me by while i chill on the sidelines. when i consider it logically- no. absolutely i am being proactive about certain parts of me. my heart is engaged, and my heart loves- oh deeply loves the people around me, and then there's the God of my life. *smile* that phrase just makes me smile. i came across this psalm today- 42:8.

by day
the Lord directs his love,
at night
his song is with me-
a prayer to
the God of my life.

saying the God of my life makes me feel possessive, a bit shy, proud, and it proves that i am in love with Him. i really am. the hard part is trying to grasp this love of His for me. it should be easy to believe in. it should be easy to accept.

i have always been an easy lover. i just love people, things, activities, foods, colors, quirks,'s natural for me to say, "oh my gosh. i LOVE...{fill in the blank}". i am also quite loyal to the things that i love. my heart attaches to people, or things...and i am forever loyal. it's in my blood. i can't help but love and latch on, and never let go.

what happends is when that love is thrown back in my face. or when my love is used. or when my love is taken for granted. or when my love is broken. or when the love i can't help but offer is carelessly tossed aside. then, i am left to pick up the pieces. then, i hurt. then i grieve. then i am left wondering.

why do i so easily love...but am not so easily loved in return? and why do i take that as meaning God does not love me in return? for crying out loud! must we re-hash ALL that He has done? no, no, no. i know all that. i do.

it's odd to have such a human heart try so desperately to connect with a supernatural, perfect heart. doesn't seem like a good match to me. mostly i say that to mean, maybe that's why there is a struggle. maybe God is not supposed to be easy.

maybe it's OK that our relationship is hard. maybe it's OK that we go through deeps and darks as well as highs and lights.

no, i suppose God is not supposed to be easy. no relationship ever is.

i am a big girl. living in a big girl's world.

i just want to love, and be loved. at the end of the day, all i want is to love, and have been loved in return.

Softly Spoken- Loudly Heard

"you know what you're supposed to do- you don't like quitting because you're afraid of the unknown."

yes. i am afraid of the unknown.
where does my responsibility lie? (lay? whatever. i hate grammar.)
do i quit something that drains my soul?
do i act responsibly and do what i need to do to pay the bills- even though i am betraying myself, my very soul, my heart?
i am in quite a bit of debt.
i feel i am left with no choice at all.
how long?
how long must i agonize over what is my life?
how long must i WAIT?

i have become quite good at pretending. mostly to convince myself that i can CHOOSE to be happy. no matter my circumstances, i can make the choice to be happy- even if i'm not doing what i want to do. but, what is that anyway?

i have been hurt. not hurt in a major, huge, out-of-commission way. but, hurt none the less. i have been dragging around this burden for what feels like weeks and weeks. it has affected me more then i choose to admit. at the end of the day, it makes me angry at God. it has started to make me bitter at God. all the pent up hurt and hidden pain just festers and makes me angry.

i don't want an ugly soul. if i don't deal with this- i will have an ugly soul.

there is nothing i can do to make it go away. this is the kind of hurt that has to run its course. i've had my sad love songs, i've had my bowls of ice cream, i've had my mountain dew, i've had my m 'n m's, i've had my cries. i'm now left with hundreds of questions, haunting words, and some regrets.

that's LIFE.

for some reason, my life as of late has had a string of icks. i pretend they don't bother me. i pretend i am fine. i pretend i am better off. but really, i am a child.





Take time to realize,
That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by.. Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you,
no its never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

~colbie caillat

colbie ROCKS.